1 00:00:07,796 --> 00:00:10,448 So, I hear that you've upgraded, 2 00:00:10,548 --> 00:00:12,588 and now you have all the normal, regular features 3 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:14,452 that I have had for years. 4 00:00:14,552 --> 00:00:18,022 Yep, we're nothing but windows of opportunity. 5 00:00:18,122 --> 00:00:21,325 And although it may not be PC to say so, 6 00:00:21,425 --> 00:00:23,461 I like to think that we've finally... 7 00:00:23,561 --> 00:00:24,839 fixed all the bugs. 8 00:00:24,939 --> 00:00:27,139 Gesundheit. 9 00:00:27,398 --> 00:00:29,435 Excuse me. That's not a virus. That's not a virus. 10 00:00:29,535 --> 00:00:31,469 I am sure that it's not a virus. 11 00:00:31,569 --> 00:00:34,105 Although, to be fair, I have no idea 12 00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:36,574 because I have never had a virus. 13 00:00:36,674 --> 00:00:38,542 - So... - Why do you have to be 14 00:00:38,642 --> 00:00:42,213 such a condescending douche bag? 15 00:00:42,313 --> 00:00:43,713 Um, I-- 16 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,718 I, I, I. It's "I" this and "I" that. 17 00:00:47,818 --> 00:00:48,818 Boop. 18 00:00:53,308 --> 00:00:56,260 Maybe it is time we stopped talking about "I" all the time, 19 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,029 and windows of opportunity. 20 00:00:58,129 --> 00:01:00,398 Anybody else remember when people were smart 21 00:01:00,498 --> 00:01:02,299 and phones were stupid? 22 00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:04,668 This fall, Pi is gonna launch a new phone 23 00:01:04,768 --> 00:01:06,437 that'll change things forever. 24 00:01:06,537 --> 00:01:08,174 We're ready to bring you what you wanted 25 00:01:08,274 --> 00:01:10,775 yesterday for tomorrow today. 26 00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:15,613 Pi. Smart phones for smarter people. 27 00:01:15,713 --> 00:01:19,250 Do you really want to say "douche bag" in the ad? 28 00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:20,618 I don't say "douche bag." 29 00:01:20,718 --> 00:01:22,515 The guy in the cheap suit says "douche bag." 30 00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:24,288 Betty, any calls? 31 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,345 Bono wants to know if you're still good 32 00:01:26,445 --> 00:01:27,491 for the trip to Africa. 33 00:01:27,591 --> 00:01:30,227 Tell him I still haven't found what I'm looking for. 34 00:01:30,327 --> 00:01:31,805 The Dalai Lama. 35 00:01:31,905 --> 00:01:34,265 Are you still on for meditation this afternoon? 36 00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:37,468 Advise him to still his mind. The answer lies within. 37 00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:39,336 The president is asking, 38 00:01:39,436 --> 00:01:41,793 can we move the meeting to the White House this weekend? 39 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,575 Yes, perfect. Mosquitoes at Camp David are a bitch. 40 00:01:44,675 --> 00:01:46,143 Terrible. 41 00:01:46,243 --> 00:01:47,601 Bill Gates sent an email 42 00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:49,413 that simply reads, "Cheeky." 43 00:01:49,513 --> 00:01:51,348 Fair enough. 44 00:01:51,448 --> 00:01:52,716 Tell him I want my 20 bucks. 45 00:01:52,816 --> 00:01:54,452 Sarah Russell called 46 00:01:54,552 --> 00:01:57,288 about your 20-year high school reunion tonight. 47 00:01:57,388 --> 00:01:58,985 Wait, wait, wait. Twenty-year what now? 48 00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:01,092 Twenty-year reunion. This is great. 49 00:02:01,192 --> 00:02:03,160 We'll show everyone we're not losers anymore. 50 00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:04,795 Greg, we were never losers. 51 00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,697 Uh, yeah, we were. 52 00:02:06,797 --> 00:02:08,365 But that doesn't matter now, right? 53 00:02:08,465 --> 00:02:10,801 Oh, I get it. 54 00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:13,304 Look, it's nothing to be nervous about. 55 00:02:13,404 --> 00:02:16,107 It could be a lot of fun, you know? 56 00:02:16,207 --> 00:02:18,309 Nervous? Why would I be nervous 57 00:02:18,409 --> 00:02:20,845 about people we haven't seen in 20 years? 58 00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:23,780 Guys? 59 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:31,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 60 00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:34,090 No! No! 61 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,902 Do you want me to call and cancel? 62 00:02:45,002 --> 00:02:47,404 Uh, yes, please. Tell them I'm sick. 63 00:02:47,504 --> 00:02:50,908 Come on, you used that one for the ten year. 64 00:02:51,008 --> 00:02:54,378 Betty, what did Sarah want about the reunion? 65 00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,913 Why was she calling? 66 00:02:56,013 --> 00:02:58,616 I believe she wanted to let Adam know 67 00:02:58,716 --> 00:03:02,520 that Darcie Williams was asking if he was going to be there. 68 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:03,821 Darcie Williams? 69 00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:06,372 Yes, Darcie Williams. 70 00:03:09,911 --> 00:03:11,362 I love her. 71 00:03:12,696 --> 00:03:14,832 High school: where self-esteem, 72 00:03:14,932 --> 00:03:16,983 innocence, and dreams go to die. 73 00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:23,774 The insufferable purgatory of being too old to be a kid, 74 00:03:23,874 --> 00:03:25,376 too young to be an adult. 75 00:03:27,544 --> 00:03:29,813 The entire concept of placing all of those 76 00:03:29,913 --> 00:03:32,249 going through their awkward, formative years of puberty 77 00:03:32,349 --> 00:03:35,252 into one giant institution of self-doubt, 78 00:03:35,352 --> 00:03:37,621 forced pseudo-social structure, and anxiety, 79 00:03:37,721 --> 00:03:39,690 it's a cruel and unusual punishment. 80 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:46,263 Even worse, this bizarre ritual of needing to get together 81 00:03:46,363 --> 00:03:47,932 every couple of years as a reminder 82 00:03:48,032 --> 00:03:49,767 of these traumatizing times. 83 00:03:49,867 --> 00:03:52,670 It's a blast from the past. 84 00:03:52,770 --> 00:03:55,372 Borders on insanity. 85 00:03:55,472 --> 00:03:57,608 When I was nine years old, I got really sick. 86 00:03:57,708 --> 00:03:59,443 I spent six weeks in the hospital 87 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,612 and had my entire large intestine taken out. 88 00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:04,648 It was one of the most traumatic events in my entire life. 89 00:04:04,748 --> 00:04:06,706 And yet I've never felt the urge to get together 90 00:04:06,806 --> 00:04:08,563 with the other nurses, patients, or doctors 91 00:04:08,663 --> 00:04:10,354 and reminisce about the good old days. 92 00:04:19,347 --> 00:04:21,332 I hated high school. 93 00:04:21,432 --> 00:04:22,849 High school hated me. 94 00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:33,744 In the immortal words of Mr. Stephen King, 95 00:04:33,844 --> 00:04:35,512 "I hated high school. 96 00:04:35,612 --> 00:04:37,169 I don't trust anyone who looks back on 97 00:04:37,269 --> 00:04:40,918 the years of 14 to 18 with any enjoyment. 98 00:04:41,018 --> 00:04:42,920 If you liked being a teenager, 99 00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:44,904 there's definitely something wrong with you." 100 00:04:54,082 --> 00:04:56,900 - Mr. Pi. - Hey, Happy. 101 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,403 Betty, I'm gonna render the graphics 102 00:04:59,503 --> 00:05:02,806 for the latest beta version of the OS from the car. 103 00:05:02,906 --> 00:05:06,310 Uh, Betty, isolate the signal and encrypt the data, please. 104 00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:08,328 You know, this is the most revolutionary launch 105 00:05:08,428 --> 00:05:10,948 - since the touchscreen. - Yeah, so let's protect it. 106 00:05:11,048 --> 00:05:12,048 Okay. 107 00:05:13,384 --> 00:05:15,886 What is it about these people that make me so nervous? 108 00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:17,588 I'm tongue-tied already. 109 00:05:17,688 --> 00:05:20,891 Just remember these key words-- "Let's party." 110 00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:24,395 Come on, this is our night. 111 00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:26,864 - Is that a new shirt? - Yeah, cool shirt, right? 112 00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:31,602 Just think, we're gonna get to see Andy and Dennis again. 113 00:05:31,702 --> 00:05:35,973 Yeah, and John Vernon, Trevor Jackson. 114 00:05:36,073 --> 00:05:38,542 They've probably matured by now, right? 115 00:05:40,811 --> 00:05:44,782 Excuse me, will you settle a bet for me and my friends? 116 00:05:44,882 --> 00:05:47,851 Does this feel like boyfriend material to you? 117 00:05:47,951 --> 00:05:50,054 - Ew. - Are you a lesbian? 118 00:05:50,154 --> 00:05:52,056 Because I can just talk and we can scissor. 119 00:05:52,156 --> 00:05:54,591 Back off, date rape. 120 00:05:54,691 --> 00:05:57,008 Didn't you, like, date my mom 100 years ago or something? 121 00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:58,346 I'm not that old. 122 00:05:58,446 --> 00:06:02,032 No, seriously. You dated my mom. 123 00:06:02,132 --> 00:06:05,836 Aren't you guys going to your reunion later tonight? 124 00:06:05,936 --> 00:06:07,471 Darcie Williams? 125 00:06:07,571 --> 00:06:08,571 Yeah. 126 00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:12,609 She's my mom. 127 00:06:12,709 --> 00:06:15,579 I'm 17, you pedophile. 128 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,748 She was showing me pictures of her class earlier, 129 00:06:17,848 --> 00:06:20,117 from when you two were dating. 130 00:06:20,217 --> 00:06:24,555 I think you might be wearing the exact same shirt. 131 00:06:24,655 --> 00:06:25,756 Oh, my God. 132 00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:27,440 Can we get some drinks over here? 133 00:06:31,646 --> 00:06:34,765 We don't have to stay for the whole thing, right? 134 00:06:34,865 --> 00:06:36,622 Come on, it's gonna be different this time. 135 00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:37,722 We're all grown up. 136 00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:38,939 Tonight is gonna be awesome. 137 00:06:39,039 --> 00:06:40,920 - Hey, guys! - Andy, Dennis! 138 00:06:42,524 --> 00:06:44,375 - Oh! - Nice. 139 00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:46,143 So glad you guys are here. 140 00:06:46,243 --> 00:06:48,201 Yeah, we weren't gonna come because, you know... 141 00:06:48,301 --> 00:06:49,580 Everyone hated us. 142 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,949 But, uh, who knows? Maybe it'll be fun. 143 00:06:56,687 --> 00:06:59,456 Uh, so, what've you guys been up to? 144 00:06:59,556 --> 00:07:01,194 I work a few nights a week at Game Land. 145 00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:02,593 I test games on the weekends. 146 00:07:02,693 --> 00:07:03,994 Sweet, programming, design? 147 00:07:04,094 --> 00:07:06,730 No, no, no, I just test them, like, for fun, right? 148 00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:07,830 At my house. 149 00:07:07,929 --> 00:07:09,833 So, you don't have a job? 150 00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:12,069 - I know, sweet, right? - Yeah. 151 00:07:12,169 --> 00:07:14,405 Weren't you guys doing it like that in the 12th grade? 152 00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:15,906 I guess we hit that jackpot early. 153 00:07:16,006 --> 00:07:18,363 Ooh, but you guys got your whole billionaire empire thing. 154 00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:20,101 That's gotta be cool, though, too, yeah? 155 00:07:24,515 --> 00:07:26,352 - Wanna bail and play Warcrack? - Absolutely. 156 00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:27,885 No, guys. 157 00:07:27,985 --> 00:07:29,953 Come on, gentlemen. 158 00:07:30,053 --> 00:07:34,658 Tonight is gonna be epic, right? 159 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:35,958 Right? 160 00:07:37,694 --> 00:07:39,694 Follow me. 161 00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:02,702 - All right. - Whoo! 162 00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:05,172 Ha! 163 00:08:05,889 --> 00:08:06,889 Pfft. 164 00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:13,829 Hi. 165 00:08:14,131 --> 00:08:16,200 Steve Probyn. 166 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:17,801 Sarah's looking for ya. 167 00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:19,837 She's on the stage and she looks pissed. 168 00:08:21,672 --> 00:08:24,007 Go easy on that tonight, okay? 169 00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:26,726 That's okay, my parents are driving me home. 170 00:08:29,764 --> 00:08:30,964 Hello. 171 00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:34,150 Hello. 172 00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:39,054 Hello! 173 00:08:41,058 --> 00:08:42,058 Hi. 174 00:08:43,126 --> 00:08:44,728 For those of you who don't remember, 175 00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,164 my name is Sarah Russell. 176 00:08:47,264 --> 00:08:50,267 Welcome, class of 1997, 177 00:08:50,367 --> 00:08:54,838 to our 20-year high school reunion. 178 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,625 - Just one second. - You suck! 179 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,229 Twenty years. 180 00:09:04,332 --> 00:09:06,850 Twenty years. 181 00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,950 Wow. 182 00:09:08,752 --> 00:09:11,655 We started high school in 1994, 183 00:09:11,755 --> 00:09:14,791 the year that Kurt Cobain died and Justin Bieber was born. 184 00:09:14,891 --> 00:09:15,891 Whoo! 185 00:09:16,159 --> 00:09:17,861 We started high school before texting. 186 00:09:17,961 --> 00:09:22,733 And not just before smartphones, before cell phones. 187 00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:25,802 How crazy is that? 188 00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:30,941 And speaking of cell phones and the Internet, 189 00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,319 I'm sure you don't want to hear 190 00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:34,611 from your runner-up valedictorian. 191 00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:36,146 Not at all. 192 00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:38,015 He needs no introduction. 193 00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:42,515 Your... valedictorian, 194 00:09:43,253 --> 00:09:44,922 Mr. Adam Pi. 195 00:09:51,428 --> 00:09:54,131 Ow. Thanks, Sarah. 196 00:09:54,231 --> 00:09:55,999 Hey, class. 197 00:09:56,099 --> 00:09:57,601 I'm not really sure what to say. 198 00:09:57,701 --> 00:09:59,301 Um, man, 199 00:10:00,971 --> 00:10:03,008 could you imagine how amazing high school would be 200 00:10:03,108 --> 00:10:04,942 if we knew then what we know now? 201 00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,610 I knew I had a big hammer back then 202 00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:09,179 and I still know it now. 203 00:10:09,279 --> 00:10:15,185 Thank you, Adam, for that very well-prepared speech. 204 00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:17,921 So, let's raise a-- 205 00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,057 I don't have a glass. 206 00:10:20,157 --> 00:10:22,025 Give me your glass. Give me your glass! 207 00:10:25,062 --> 00:10:30,267 Let's raise a glass to the class of 1997. 208 00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:33,285 Let's party like we're 37-teen. 209 00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:39,792 Let's go. 210 00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:43,642 I can't believe you roped me into this. 211 00:10:43,742 --> 00:10:45,739 I told you, you shoulda just said, "Let's party." 212 00:10:45,839 --> 00:10:46,982 D-dudes. 213 00:10:57,945 --> 00:10:59,630 I'm pretty sure she likes my shirt. 214 00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:02,682 She's been looking at my shirt all night. 215 00:11:05,853 --> 00:11:07,453 She's mine. 216 00:11:10,258 --> 00:11:11,842 Look at that, you twat-dodgers. 217 00:11:11,942 --> 00:11:13,243 I haven't aged a bit. 218 00:11:13,343 --> 00:11:15,345 I got bad news for you, man. 219 00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,648 You looked old in high school, you look ancient now. 220 00:11:17,748 --> 00:11:19,650 Suck a dick, Jeff. I look fucking great. 221 00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,084 Tonight I'm the handsome genius 222 00:11:21,184 --> 00:11:22,742 who never achieved his full potential. 223 00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:24,559 Yeah, you're just like Good Will Hunting, 224 00:11:24,659 --> 00:11:27,095 except you never got the girl and you're a complete failure. 225 00:11:27,195 --> 00:11:28,195 I'm a fucking genius. 226 00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:30,771 I'm the only one out of this group who passed math. Honors 2. 227 00:11:30,871 --> 00:11:33,187 You know, the only reason why I still work with you jerks 228 00:11:33,287 --> 00:11:34,685 is I'm waiting for one of you guys 229 00:11:34,785 --> 00:11:36,782 to give me the Affleck speech that you'll kill me 230 00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:39,118 if I haven't moved away and achieved my full potential. 231 00:11:39,218 --> 00:11:40,736 No one's giving you that speech, pal. 232 00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:43,153 Hey, Jeff, remember the last time you fucked your sister? 233 00:11:43,253 --> 00:11:44,691 Jesus Christ, she wasn't my sister. 234 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,269 - Did your dad marry her mom? - Yes. 235 00:11:46,369 --> 00:11:47,727 And your parents had another kid, 236 00:11:47,827 --> 00:11:50,104 so your brother and her brother are the exact same dude. 237 00:11:50,204 --> 00:11:51,442 - Yeah. - Then you, my friend, 238 00:11:51,542 --> 00:11:52,860 - are a sister-fucker. - Mm-hmm. 239 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,238 You are a fucker of the sister. 240 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,574 My dad met her mom after Danielle and I started dating. 241 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,121 - And... - And then we broke up 242 00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:00,378 - after they got married. - Did you have sex with her 243 00:12:00,478 --> 00:12:01,836 while your parents were together? 244 00:12:01,936 --> 00:12:03,209 - Once. - Sister-fucker. 245 00:12:23,231 --> 00:12:24,848 Was that Danielle? 246 00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:26,116 - Yeah. - Yup. 247 00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:27,813 She's probably looking for her brother. 248 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,853 - Ew. - Creepy. 249 00:12:29,953 --> 00:12:31,353 No, no. 250 00:12:31,988 --> 00:12:34,424 Okay, I hate this. Officially hate this. 251 00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:36,522 I'm not-- I'm not gonna stay for the whole thing. 252 00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,028 What are you talking about? 253 00:12:38,128 --> 00:12:40,045 I'm talking about the fact that this feels like 254 00:12:40,145 --> 00:12:43,166 my, "Hey, Amy, you turned into a huge loser" party. 255 00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,168 You look amazing. 256 00:12:45,268 --> 00:12:47,971 You make a good living. You have a great life. 257 00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:52,109 Okay, Claire, I starred in every single play 258 00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:53,744 in high school, okay? 259 00:12:53,844 --> 00:12:55,812 Everyone expected me to be the famous one. 260 00:12:55,912 --> 00:12:58,248 Remember when I was scouted by a top LA manager. 261 00:12:58,348 --> 00:13:00,016 Yeah, you did background work 262 00:13:00,116 --> 00:13:02,119 on a Steven Seagal movie that shot here 263 00:13:02,219 --> 00:13:04,121 and his agent tried to screw you. 264 00:13:04,221 --> 00:13:06,757 - Ooh. - Scouted? Bit of a stretch. 265 00:13:06,857 --> 00:13:09,192 Tomato, tomahto. Also, you're a bitch. 266 00:13:09,292 --> 00:13:11,328 Tell me, do you or do you not think that everyone 267 00:13:11,428 --> 00:13:13,797 expected me to be the famous one from our class? 268 00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:16,897 Okay, fuck off. 269 00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,102 Hey, okay, look, look, just stand beside me. 270 00:13:19,202 --> 00:13:21,271 No one will even notice you. 271 00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:23,567 Well, I think that we're all doing something different 272 00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,505 than we thought we'd be doing in high school. 273 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,244 I sell insurance. 274 00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:29,946 I'm lame. I actually suck. 275 00:13:30,046 --> 00:13:31,364 This is gonna be an entire night 276 00:13:31,464 --> 00:13:33,450 of "What in sweet hell happened to her?" 277 00:13:33,550 --> 00:13:35,385 Is it me or is, like, everyone in our class 278 00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:36,920 starting to look old? 279 00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:40,023 I don't know. Adam Pi looks pretty good. 280 00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,521 You know what they say about a man 281 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,093 with a big bank account. 282 00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:45,309 - You sound like a hooker. - I've been called worse. 283 00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:47,130 Remember this shithead? Fucking Pi. 284 00:13:47,230 --> 00:13:49,499 I can't believe he makes more money in one year 285 00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:51,835 than we will in our lifetimes combined. 286 00:13:51,935 --> 00:13:53,812 Who woulda thought computers woulda caught on? 287 00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:55,070 I know, what an idiot, right? 288 00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:56,968 Right? I mean, yeah, he's a millionaire now, 289 00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:58,068 but at what cost? 290 00:13:58,167 --> 00:14:00,324 The only thing he fucked in high school was his hand, 291 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,341 and I heard it didn't even go past second base. 292 00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:03,441 Billionaire. 293 00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:04,698 He's now a multi-billionaire, 294 00:14:04,798 --> 00:14:06,595 and you would be surprised at what this hand 295 00:14:06,695 --> 00:14:08,013 let me do to her in high school. 296 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:11,188 A complete slut. She had like no self-respect. 297 00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:13,490 It's okay. That was a long time ago. 298 00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:15,592 I'd be upset if any of it wasn't true. 299 00:14:15,692 --> 00:14:17,928 Let me buy you guys a drink. 300 00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:20,096 Uh, we should buy you a drink 301 00:14:20,196 --> 00:14:21,554 'cause we were complete assholes. 302 00:14:21,654 --> 00:14:23,266 I personally blame the sister-fucker. 303 00:14:23,366 --> 00:14:24,935 Really lowers the bar for this group. 304 00:14:25,035 --> 00:14:28,171 Hey, guys, I just pissed all over the toilet paper. 305 00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:29,873 What if someone's gotta go, dude? 306 00:14:29,973 --> 00:14:32,209 Yeah, let's hope. 307 00:14:32,309 --> 00:14:35,045 Is it possible that guy hasn't even left high school? 308 00:14:35,145 --> 00:14:37,914 I feel like I had this conversation 20 years ago. 309 00:14:38,014 --> 00:14:39,115 What a piece of shit. 310 00:14:47,141 --> 00:14:48,625 What in the fuck? 311 00:14:48,725 --> 00:14:52,562 I'm-- I'm sorry, I-- I-- 312 00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:54,631 Why don't you watch where the hell you're going, 313 00:14:54,731 --> 00:14:57,049 Shits-his-pantsky? 314 00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:07,310 Hey how much for your pants? 315 00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:11,648 - What's with the pants? - Uh... 316 00:15:11,748 --> 00:15:13,950 I thought everybody was wearing '90s stuff. 317 00:15:18,188 --> 00:15:21,458 So, what have you been up to, John? 318 00:15:21,558 --> 00:15:22,558 I'm a cop. 319 00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:24,928 Okay, so you're not 320 00:15:25,028 --> 00:15:26,930 beating people up these days. 321 00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,028 I'm required by law to be a little more selective 322 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,134 than I used to be. 323 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,970 Why don't I buy everybody a drink? 324 00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:36,506 As a matter of fact, drinks are on me 325 00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:37,974 for the rest of the night. 326 00:15:38,074 --> 00:15:40,074 Yay, Adam. 327 00:15:40,577 --> 00:15:42,777 Adam! Adam! 328 00:16:01,082 --> 00:16:05,482 Here come more drinks. 329 00:16:21,302 --> 00:16:23,402 This party's about to get lit. 330 00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:28,845 Are you gonna live? 331 00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:30,680 You can't flush the tub, sweetie. 332 00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:34,284 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. 333 00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:36,586 - What the hell? - What's going on? Where am I? 334 00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,121 I just went to go to the bathroom. 335 00:18:38,221 --> 00:18:39,779 I think I came back to the wrong room. 336 00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,257 Easy. Everybody calm down. 337 00:18:41,357 --> 00:18:42,435 This guy tried to rape me. 338 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,794 I did not try to rape anyone. 339 00:18:44,894 --> 00:18:46,529 Why are you naked? 340 00:18:46,629 --> 00:18:49,632 I'm not naked. Underwear. I have underwear. 341 00:18:49,732 --> 00:18:51,534 What did you do to my fucking hamster? 342 00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:53,103 Watch your mouth! 343 00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:55,621 But what did you do to his fucking hamster? 344 00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:02,345 Hey, sorry. I have no idea how I got in that room 345 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,322 or anything about the hamster or what he was-- 346 00:19:04,422 --> 00:19:06,549 Easy, Richard Gere. 347 00:19:06,649 --> 00:19:09,586 Jenny found it. It was in his little brother's room. 348 00:19:09,686 --> 00:19:11,154 Those your boys? 349 00:19:11,254 --> 00:19:12,755 Step boys. 350 00:19:12,855 --> 00:19:14,224 Step sons. 351 00:19:14,324 --> 00:19:15,682 Had a good time last night, yeah? 352 00:19:15,782 --> 00:19:16,782 Fuck, yeah. 353 00:19:16,881 --> 00:19:18,361 I'd kill to do high school again. 354 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,430 I was in the zone last night. 355 00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,527 Don't you think it's weird that we do high school 356 00:19:22,627 --> 00:19:24,504 when we're 17 during total hormonal confusion? 357 00:19:24,604 --> 00:19:26,302 Nobody was in the right frame of mind. 358 00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:28,238 Nobody did high school like they wanted to. 359 00:19:28,338 --> 00:19:30,473 Speak for yourself. I was the king in high school. 360 00:19:30,573 --> 00:19:32,876 Chicks wanted to fuck me, dudes wanted to be me. 361 00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:35,661 I wish I could do it again. I would do it so differently. 362 00:19:37,932 --> 00:19:40,550 What if you could? 363 00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:44,687 - Would you? - What do you mean? 364 00:19:44,787 --> 00:19:47,357 What if we did high school all over again? 365 00:19:47,457 --> 00:19:49,826 Like, what if we got all our teachers together, 366 00:19:49,926 --> 00:19:52,629 everybody from our class, and we did it again, 367 00:19:52,729 --> 00:19:54,164 but for, like, a month? 368 00:19:54,264 --> 00:19:57,333 For starters, I got a mortgage to pay. 369 00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:59,235 What if money was no issue? 370 00:19:59,335 --> 00:20:01,092 What if I gave you the same amount of money 371 00:20:01,192 --> 00:20:02,192 you'd make landscaping? 372 00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:04,941 You're crazy, you know that? 373 00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,709 What if I gave you one year's salary 374 00:20:06,809 --> 00:20:07,887 for one month of your time? 375 00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:09,279 One more month of high school? 376 00:20:09,379 --> 00:20:11,948 Are you serious? 377 00:20:12,048 --> 00:20:14,951 This is a great idea. 378 00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:18,955 Bad idea. Last night was a bad idea. 379 00:20:19,055 --> 00:20:22,825 That reunion, it sucked more than high school did. 380 00:20:22,925 --> 00:20:24,727 Remember in 12th grade when you passed out 381 00:20:24,827 --> 00:20:27,830 and Trevor drew a dick on your face? 382 00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,232 You're right, that was worse. 383 00:20:29,332 --> 00:20:30,900 Kinda the same. 384 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,303 No, he's right. That was way worse. 385 00:20:33,403 --> 00:20:35,821 No, no, kinda the same. 386 00:20:37,524 --> 00:20:39,242 Son of a bitch. 387 00:20:39,342 --> 00:20:40,342 Fuck. 388 00:20:40,977 --> 00:20:42,455 Wait, this is when you guys tell me? 389 00:20:42,555 --> 00:20:43,746 Now, at breakfast? 390 00:20:43,846 --> 00:20:45,324 Didn't want you to be uncomfortable. 391 00:20:45,424 --> 00:20:47,424 His fault. 392 00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:51,421 The entire grad class for one month? 393 00:20:51,521 --> 00:20:53,289 What about teachers? 394 00:20:53,389 --> 00:20:56,459 Yes, all of the old teachers, everyone from our class, 395 00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,228 just like it was. 396 00:20:58,328 --> 00:21:00,230 You're some sort of school board rep, yeah? 397 00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:02,332 Deputy superintendent. 398 00:21:02,432 --> 00:21:06,736 Okay, so, you can get clearance, draw up the legal paperwork. 399 00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:10,506 One year's salary for one more month of high school. 400 00:21:10,606 --> 00:21:12,942 It's your chance to be valedictorian. 401 00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:15,078 Well, it should have been mine in the first place. 402 00:21:15,178 --> 00:21:17,380 I had better grades, I was in way more activities, 403 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,080 I just-- 404 00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:24,988 What are the terms and conditions? 405 00:21:25,088 --> 00:21:26,823 One more crack at doing the things 406 00:21:26,923 --> 00:21:28,891 you'd have done then using what you know now. 407 00:21:28,991 --> 00:21:31,294 - The ultimate do-over. - Uh-huh. 408 00:21:31,394 --> 00:21:34,497 So, what do you say, Steve? 409 00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,733 High school again? How much? 410 00:21:36,833 --> 00:21:38,801 - Hello? - Hello? 411 00:21:38,901 --> 00:21:40,670 - Hello? - What's up? 412 00:21:40,770 --> 00:21:42,972 - What's up? - Whassap? 413 00:21:43,072 --> 00:21:45,575 Back to what? Back to school? 414 00:21:45,675 --> 00:21:48,044 That's right. Same classes, same teachers. 415 00:21:48,144 --> 00:21:50,346 Is everyone gonna be there? 416 00:21:50,446 --> 00:21:51,814 That goes over there. 417 00:21:51,914 --> 00:21:54,384 Do we have to go every day? 418 00:21:54,484 --> 00:21:55,842 One more chance to do high school 419 00:21:55,942 --> 00:21:57,654 the way you wish you would've done it. 420 00:21:57,754 --> 00:22:00,423 I'm a single mom. I don't have time to do homework. 421 00:22:00,523 --> 00:22:03,526 Okay, okay, what you're saying is you invented time travel. 422 00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:05,595 We're not actually time traveling. 423 00:22:05,695 --> 00:22:07,563 What exists now still exists. 424 00:22:07,663 --> 00:22:09,966 I can't just surgically redo my hymen, Adam. 425 00:22:10,066 --> 00:22:12,402 It's ripped to shreds. 426 00:22:12,502 --> 00:22:14,871 Everything will be pants on, so nobody will notice. 427 00:22:14,971 --> 00:22:16,608 It it supposed to be, like, we're dating 428 00:22:16,708 --> 00:22:19,842 who we were dating, too, or...? 429 00:22:19,942 --> 00:22:22,745 Okay, but I'm not giving Steve Probyn a hand job again. 430 00:22:22,845 --> 00:22:24,514 - Steve? - Yeah. 431 00:22:24,614 --> 00:22:26,616 I'm gonna buy an old sports almanac... 432 00:22:26,716 --> 00:22:28,718 - What, no-- - ...bet on some old games. 433 00:22:28,818 --> 00:22:31,054 And I'm gonna be a gajillionaire. 434 00:22:31,154 --> 00:22:32,689 Fuck, yeah! I'm in. 435 00:22:32,789 --> 00:22:34,057 I'm in 110%. 436 00:22:34,157 --> 00:22:36,559 - Boo-yah. - I'm in. 437 00:22:36,659 --> 00:22:39,028 I'm going back to high school. 438 00:22:39,128 --> 00:22:40,763 - Okay. - Yeah. 439 00:22:40,863 --> 00:22:41,863 440 00:22:46,053 --> 00:22:48,571 It's not a DeLorean and 1.21 "Jigawatts," 441 00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:51,123 but it is my chance to go back to the future. 442 00:22:53,527 --> 00:22:57,729 I'm going back to school, Mom. Fuck you. 443 00:23:02,936 --> 00:23:04,893 This is a bad idea. 444 00:23:04,993 --> 00:23:06,522 It's a very bad idea. 445 00:23:06,622 --> 00:23:08,458 You said the same thing about touchscreens. 446 00:23:08,558 --> 00:23:10,793 Well, yeah, for people who use their phones 447 00:23:10,893 --> 00:23:13,096 primarily for work. You know, email, texting. 448 00:23:13,196 --> 00:23:15,064 There's no tactile feedback. 449 00:23:15,164 --> 00:23:17,533 Is everything not inevitably shifting to voice command? 450 00:23:17,633 --> 00:23:19,535 With devices moving from external to wearable, 451 00:23:19,635 --> 00:23:21,404 or even internal modes of functionality. 452 00:23:21,504 --> 00:23:23,873 Yes, and yes. We should get these guys jobs in R&D. 453 00:23:23,973 --> 00:23:26,843 Adam, we've got a huge product launch coming up. 454 00:23:26,943 --> 00:23:29,379 If we take a month off now to go back to school, 455 00:23:29,479 --> 00:23:31,481 we're gonna be asking these guys for jobs. 456 00:23:36,203 --> 00:23:38,020 What about your public image? 457 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,590 We'll get people to sign nondisclosure agreements. 458 00:23:40,690 --> 00:23:43,246 Come on, isn't there one thing you wish you'd done differently? 459 00:23:46,529 --> 00:23:49,729 Not shit myself? 460 00:23:50,099 --> 00:23:51,634 Why is this so important to you? 461 00:23:51,734 --> 00:23:53,212 I mean, you already have everything. 462 00:23:53,312 --> 00:23:55,772 If you want Darcie Williams, you can do it now present day, 463 00:23:55,872 --> 00:23:58,908 without going back to high school. 464 00:23:59,008 --> 00:24:01,010 Front door. 465 00:24:01,110 --> 00:24:03,880 Look, you said it yourself, I have everything. 466 00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:06,783 But positive memories of high school, okay? 467 00:24:06,883 --> 00:24:09,568 I just want to put the "cool" in "high school," just once. 468 00:24:11,939 --> 00:24:14,056 Andy and Dennis are in. 469 00:24:14,156 --> 00:24:15,625 I promised myself when I was little 470 00:24:15,725 --> 00:24:17,403 I would lose my virginity in high school. 471 00:24:17,503 --> 00:24:19,929 I will not fail. 472 00:24:20,029 --> 00:24:23,533 Virginity doesn't grow back, Andy. 473 00:24:23,633 --> 00:24:25,468 Once you lose it, you lose it. 474 00:24:25,568 --> 00:24:27,368 Oh, Andy. 475 00:24:27,570 --> 00:24:29,071 Your guests have arrived. 476 00:24:42,903 --> 00:24:45,937 Well, gentlemen, let's start rewriting history. 477 00:24:47,508 --> 00:24:49,025 So, the agency made everything clear. 478 00:24:49,125 --> 00:24:51,594 You want us to watch you play video games. 479 00:24:51,694 --> 00:24:53,563 And cheer you on enthusiastically. 480 00:24:53,663 --> 00:24:55,832 Touching's okay, but no sex. 481 00:24:55,932 --> 00:24:57,567 With each other is okay. 482 00:24:57,667 --> 00:24:59,867 No, no sex. 483 00:25:00,002 --> 00:25:02,159 We just want you to appreciate our beast mode skills. 484 00:25:02,259 --> 00:25:04,740 But you know that the price is the same 485 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,609 whether or not you have sex with us, right? 486 00:25:06,709 --> 00:25:08,478 Just as requested, please. 487 00:25:08,578 --> 00:25:12,915 I know, it's weird. Less judgy eyes. 488 00:25:13,015 --> 00:25:14,733 We came up with this when we were 14. 489 00:25:16,169 --> 00:25:17,887 Are you guys sure this is okay? 490 00:25:17,987 --> 00:25:21,157 Oh, yeah, this is actually way sexier. 491 00:25:21,257 --> 00:25:22,825 Totally. 492 00:25:22,925 --> 00:25:25,661 I could seriously crush some noodles right now. 493 00:25:25,761 --> 00:25:27,196 Marry me. 494 00:25:27,296 --> 00:25:29,247 So, are you in? 495 00:25:36,890 --> 00:25:39,247 Do we have to date the same girls we dated in high school? 496 00:25:39,347 --> 00:25:41,811 Get to, have to, want to. What's the difference? 497 00:25:43,946 --> 00:25:45,504 You guys know this is pathetic, right? 498 00:25:45,604 --> 00:25:46,816 This is so desperate. 499 00:25:46,916 --> 00:25:48,354 Your dad seems to think that it's-- 500 00:25:48,454 --> 00:25:50,920 Hey, Trevor is not my dad. 501 00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:52,722 Trevor is my mom's mistake. 502 00:25:52,822 --> 00:25:53,822 Wow. 503 00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:55,992 You know I can hear you, right? 504 00:25:56,092 --> 00:25:57,560 That's a relief. 505 00:25:57,660 --> 00:25:59,562 I was worried I wasn't saying it loud enough. 506 00:25:59,662 --> 00:26:02,714 All right, you two. That's enough. 507 00:26:04,818 --> 00:26:09,238 So? Can we get the time off work? 508 00:26:09,338 --> 00:26:12,775 I was gonna have to lay you two off since it's the slow season. 509 00:26:12,875 --> 00:26:16,178 But I told Adam that we make twice as much as we do. 510 00:26:16,278 --> 00:26:17,547 Didn't even phase him. 511 00:26:17,647 --> 00:26:19,549 - Trevor. - What? 512 00:26:19,649 --> 00:26:21,984 It's not like he can't afford it. 513 00:26:22,084 --> 00:26:25,684 We are back, boys! 514 00:26:27,123 --> 00:26:28,923 Grad '97! 515 00:26:30,026 --> 00:26:31,026 Whoo! 516 00:26:48,328 --> 00:26:52,764 You showed up to the first day of school in a DeLorean? 517 00:26:55,135 --> 00:26:58,621 - Too much? - Too much. 518 00:26:58,721 --> 00:27:02,024 You, uh, gonna change those clothes? 519 00:27:02,124 --> 00:27:03,993 Where we're going, we don't need clothes. 520 00:27:04,093 --> 00:27:05,093 What? 521 00:27:06,829 --> 00:27:09,648 You are my density. 522 00:27:11,818 --> 00:27:17,088 1.21 "Jigawatts"! 1.21 "Jigawatts"! 523 00:27:19,126 --> 00:27:20,876 Greg! Greg, wait up! 524 00:27:20,976 --> 00:27:24,146 - Excuse me, coming through. - Excuse me. 525 00:27:24,246 --> 00:27:26,749 What have you done? 526 00:27:26,849 --> 00:27:28,651 Trust me, this is gonna be amazing. 527 00:27:28,751 --> 00:27:30,753 Hey, guys. 528 00:27:30,853 --> 00:27:32,855 You excited or nervous for the first day? 529 00:27:32,955 --> 00:27:33,955 Yeah. 530 00:27:36,092 --> 00:27:37,530 Pull your shit together. 531 00:27:37,630 --> 00:27:38,928 Oh, hey, honey. 532 00:27:39,028 --> 00:27:41,413 God, you are so humiliating. 533 00:27:43,750 --> 00:27:45,067 Don't you think it's crazy 534 00:27:45,167 --> 00:27:47,737 how I have a daughter in the same grade as me? 535 00:27:47,837 --> 00:27:50,422 Well, as us. It's weird, right? 536 00:27:55,028 --> 00:27:57,913 That's a great outfit. 537 00:27:58,013 --> 00:27:59,815 Thanks, I went back-to-school shopping 538 00:27:59,915 --> 00:28:01,050 and it felt like old times. 539 00:28:01,150 --> 00:28:02,400 That's what she said, heh. 540 00:28:04,438 --> 00:28:07,038 Anyway, um, thanks. 541 00:28:12,345 --> 00:28:14,096 I have seen you in rooms 542 00:28:14,196 --> 00:28:16,732 with some of the most powerful leaders in the world. 543 00:28:16,832 --> 00:28:18,901 I've listened through walls of lavish hotels 544 00:28:19,001 --> 00:28:23,105 while you've had mad, crazy, tantric sex with supermodels. 545 00:28:23,205 --> 00:28:25,908 But ten seconds with Darcie Williams, 546 00:28:26,008 --> 00:28:27,777 you just fall to pieces. 547 00:28:27,877 --> 00:28:29,812 Hey, excuse me. 548 00:28:29,912 --> 00:28:30,912 Yeah. 549 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,200 Yo. 550 00:28:36,770 --> 00:28:37,770 Ooh. 551 00:28:42,342 --> 00:28:44,760 It is killing me that I don't remember who you are. 552 00:28:44,860 --> 00:28:47,430 But I don't think you can sit there. 553 00:28:47,530 --> 00:28:49,331 That's for Mr. Wagner. 554 00:28:49,431 --> 00:28:53,169 But I'd be more than happy to treat my desk as a bunk bed. 555 00:28:53,269 --> 00:28:55,171 You want top or bottom? 556 00:28:55,271 --> 00:28:57,973 Mr. Wagner was my father. 557 00:28:58,073 --> 00:29:00,009 Unfortunately, he could not be here, 558 00:29:00,109 --> 00:29:02,066 so Miss Russell asked if I would take his place. 559 00:29:02,166 --> 00:29:05,114 That's bullshit. Come on, Pi. 560 00:29:05,214 --> 00:29:09,018 You said we're gonna do this "100%." 561 00:29:09,118 --> 00:29:11,076 Yeah, what is your dad doing that's so important 562 00:29:11,176 --> 00:29:13,055 he couldn't be here today? 563 00:29:13,155 --> 00:29:14,356 That is so like him. 564 00:29:14,456 --> 00:29:15,891 He was always such a cunt. 565 00:29:15,991 --> 00:29:18,928 He died. Leukemia. 566 00:29:19,028 --> 00:29:21,297 Gotta be honest, dude. That's a legit reason. 567 00:29:21,397 --> 00:29:23,799 We're sorry for your loss. Your father was a great man. 568 00:29:23,899 --> 00:29:25,401 Thank you. 569 00:29:25,501 --> 00:29:27,299 Now, does everybody want to open their books 570 00:29:27,399 --> 00:29:29,071 and turn to page 12, please? 571 00:29:29,171 --> 00:29:32,508 You're kidding, right? 572 00:29:32,608 --> 00:29:35,478 I'm sorry, is there a problem? 573 00:29:35,578 --> 00:29:37,179 No, no, no problem. 574 00:29:37,279 --> 00:29:40,282 So, you want us to take classes, like, for real? 575 00:29:40,382 --> 00:29:42,318 That's kind of how school works. 576 00:29:42,418 --> 00:29:44,520 Guys, it's gotta be the whole deal or no deal. 577 00:29:44,620 --> 00:29:46,522 Excuse me, can you please sit down? 578 00:29:46,622 --> 00:29:48,090 I'm sorry. I'm Adam Pi. 579 00:29:48,190 --> 00:29:49,458 I know who you are, Adam. 580 00:29:49,558 --> 00:29:51,060 I have your name in my list. 581 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,160 Ooh. 582 00:29:54,897 --> 00:29:56,855 Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get back 583 00:29:56,955 --> 00:29:59,918 to teaching my students about the Civil Rights movement. 584 00:30:05,392 --> 00:30:07,992 - Hi. - Hey. 585 00:30:08,878 --> 00:30:10,880 You, uh-- you look incredible. 586 00:30:10,980 --> 00:30:13,498 Thanks. So do you. 587 00:30:17,237 --> 00:30:20,122 Hey, having my brother and sister here 588 00:30:20,222 --> 00:30:22,358 - in their late 30s. - Uh, um, just-- no. 589 00:30:22,458 --> 00:30:24,126 Whatever. I just don't want anyone 590 00:30:24,226 --> 00:30:25,795 to know we're related, all right? 591 00:30:25,895 --> 00:30:27,496 This is my senior year. 592 00:30:27,596 --> 00:30:30,315 I don't need you two screwing it up. 593 00:30:35,155 --> 00:30:39,108 - Does he know that we used to-- - No. 594 00:30:39,208 --> 00:30:41,844 No, we promised Dad we would never speak of it again. 595 00:30:41,944 --> 00:30:44,547 Uh, okay, so we promised your dad. 596 00:30:44,647 --> 00:30:46,916 - My dad. - Because when you say "Dad," 597 00:30:47,016 --> 00:30:49,100 - it's weird, yeah. - Weird. 598 00:30:55,342 --> 00:30:57,860 - Hey. - Hey. 599 00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,398 You know you can't sit here, right? 600 00:30:59,498 --> 00:31:00,896 You know you're not too big 601 00:31:00,996 --> 00:31:02,431 for a spanking, right? 602 00:31:02,531 --> 00:31:04,366 Why are you doing this? 603 00:31:04,466 --> 00:31:06,936 Don't you think you already wrecked my life enough? 604 00:31:07,036 --> 00:31:08,437 Shouldn't you guys be eating 605 00:31:08,537 --> 00:31:10,606 in the teacher's lounge or something? 606 00:31:10,706 --> 00:31:13,509 Is that supposed to make us feel old? 607 00:31:13,609 --> 00:31:16,212 You do know that I'm in better shape at 37 608 00:31:16,312 --> 00:31:18,247 than you are at 17. 609 00:31:18,347 --> 00:31:21,183 They're called salads, ladies. Try one. 610 00:31:21,283 --> 00:31:24,086 God, you guys are so cute. 611 00:31:24,186 --> 00:31:25,384 You think you know everything? 612 00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:27,322 You think you know how to disassemble someone 613 00:31:27,422 --> 00:31:28,591 with hurtful words? 614 00:31:28,691 --> 00:31:31,961 Darlings, we've got 20 more years experience than you. 615 00:31:32,061 --> 00:31:33,529 Try us, twats. 616 00:31:34,730 --> 00:31:36,966 Oh, you think it's funny. 617 00:31:37,066 --> 00:31:38,334 We got a cutie on our hands. 618 00:31:38,434 --> 00:31:39,902 You think we're comedians? 619 00:31:40,002 --> 00:31:41,440 Look, I want to tell you something. 620 00:31:41,540 --> 00:31:42,938 I've been thinking about it. 621 00:31:48,495 --> 00:31:50,695 Wait, Emma. 622 00:31:52,281 --> 00:31:55,584 Oh, my God, this cutie thinks she rules this school. 623 00:31:55,684 --> 00:31:59,622 You are clearly not worthy. 624 00:31:59,722 --> 00:32:01,922 I hate you. 625 00:32:02,057 --> 00:32:04,393 Don't forget to change your pad, sweetie. 626 00:32:04,493 --> 00:32:06,896 Erin! Erin! Uh, Ms. Wegner, wait. 627 00:32:06,996 --> 00:32:08,330 Mr. Pi, how can I help you? 628 00:32:09,999 --> 00:32:12,134 - Is that the Synrnote app? - It is. 629 00:32:12,234 --> 00:32:14,103 I kinda created that. 630 00:32:14,203 --> 00:32:16,399 So you realize that beep means I'm late for something. 631 00:32:16,499 --> 00:32:18,775 Actually, you can make that a beep or a vibration or a-- 632 00:32:18,875 --> 00:32:21,343 right, sorry, I just wanted to apologize for-- 633 00:32:21,443 --> 00:32:23,312 - Mr. Pi, I'm sorry... - Adam, Adam. 634 00:32:23,412 --> 00:32:24,690 ...for snapping on you earlier. 635 00:32:24,790 --> 00:32:26,188 I just-- I've never taught a class 636 00:32:26,288 --> 00:32:27,766 where I was the youngest in the room 637 00:32:27,866 --> 00:32:30,019 and I felt I needed to assert myself. 638 00:32:30,119 --> 00:32:31,587 Look, you paid us a lot of money 639 00:32:31,687 --> 00:32:33,245 and I want to make sure the experience 640 00:32:33,345 --> 00:32:34,957 is as authentic as you'd asked 641 00:32:35,057 --> 00:32:36,975 and make it as high school as possible for you. 642 00:32:38,694 --> 00:32:39,694 Hi. 643 00:32:42,015 --> 00:32:44,300 I am feeling socially awkward, 644 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:48,570 insecure, and a little weird about everything. 645 00:32:48,670 --> 00:32:52,056 Just like high school. 646 00:33:31,698 --> 00:33:33,716 - Uh-oh. - Shit. 647 00:33:33,816 --> 00:33:36,416 - Oh! - Yes! 648 00:33:37,786 --> 00:33:39,186 Wow. 649 00:33:53,453 --> 00:33:56,505 For those of you who don't remember, 650 00:33:56,605 --> 00:33:59,508 I am Mr. Payne. 651 00:33:59,608 --> 00:34:01,677 Welcome to... 652 00:34:01,777 --> 00:34:03,177 Sex Ed! 653 00:34:10,319 --> 00:34:11,519 Quiet! 654 00:34:12,187 --> 00:34:15,391 Today we're discussing the reproductive gland. 655 00:34:15,491 --> 00:34:18,794 Anyone want to come up and identify 656 00:34:18,894 --> 00:34:21,597 parts of the female anatomy? 657 00:34:21,697 --> 00:34:26,297 Mr. Jackson? Thank you. 658 00:34:26,702 --> 00:34:29,238 Sure. I can come up there. 659 00:34:34,394 --> 00:34:36,712 You think you're very funny, Mr. Jackson. 660 00:34:36,812 --> 00:34:43,385 Can you please identify the interior labia commissures? 661 00:34:43,485 --> 00:34:45,254 No need, Mr., Payne. 662 00:34:45,354 --> 00:34:48,524 I'm gonna show you everything you need to know. 663 00:34:48,624 --> 00:34:53,228 This is for Mondays through Fridays. 664 00:34:53,328 --> 00:34:56,698 This is for weekends, holidays, 665 00:34:56,798 --> 00:35:00,118 and special occasions, yeah. 666 00:35:06,292 --> 00:35:09,511 Spoken like someone who never truly satisfied a lover. 667 00:35:09,611 --> 00:35:11,596 - Ooh. - That's true. 668 00:35:14,534 --> 00:35:15,934 Mr. Pi? 669 00:35:16,318 --> 00:35:17,318 Oh, this'll be good. 670 00:35:17,417 --> 00:35:18,417 Ooh. 671 00:35:24,911 --> 00:35:27,262 You're not even close. 672 00:35:27,362 --> 00:35:30,399 You can't locate the interior labial commissure 673 00:35:30,499 --> 00:35:31,700 from the backside. 674 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,369 Actually, it's the best way to identify 675 00:35:34,469 --> 00:35:36,672 the interior labial commissure. 676 00:35:36,772 --> 00:35:40,175 In fact, you can identify most of the female anatomy 677 00:35:40,275 --> 00:35:43,278 comfortably and effectively from this position. 678 00:35:43,378 --> 00:35:45,714 It's been my experience the best place to start 679 00:35:45,814 --> 00:35:48,317 is with the labia majora, 680 00:35:48,417 --> 00:35:51,787 drifting attention towards the labia minora. 681 00:35:51,887 --> 00:35:54,890 Excuse me, some of us are actually trying 682 00:35:54,990 --> 00:35:56,625 to learn something here. 683 00:35:56,725 --> 00:36:00,496 Shut it, princess. We are learning. 684 00:36:00,596 --> 00:36:02,297 Yeah, Adam, don't stop, okay? 685 00:36:02,397 --> 00:36:04,633 Just keep going, going, going, going. 686 00:36:04,733 --> 00:36:07,533 Mr. Pi, but... 687 00:36:08,270 --> 00:36:10,067 what can you tell us about the male anatomy? 688 00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:14,743 Tons. Nobody's touched his wiener more than he has. 689 00:36:14,843 --> 00:36:15,843 Oh. 690 00:36:18,914 --> 00:36:21,717 Pleasure is a two-way street and knowledge is key, Mr. Payne. 691 00:36:21,817 --> 00:36:25,187 I can show you how to access the seminal vesicles 692 00:36:25,287 --> 00:36:28,924 via the rectum without upsetting the vas deferens. 693 00:36:29,024 --> 00:36:30,492 Oh, you cheeky monkey. 694 00:36:34,314 --> 00:36:36,632 I have to say, I am impressed. 695 00:36:36,732 --> 00:36:39,209 Well, I mean, I could give you some private lessons sometime. 696 00:36:39,309 --> 00:36:42,371 Maybe I'll take you up on that. 697 00:36:42,471 --> 00:36:44,622 Yeah, totally. 698 00:36:46,826 --> 00:36:49,493 Okay, well, I'll see you later? 699 00:36:53,299 --> 00:36:56,818 Uh, what are you doing? It's your chance. 700 00:36:56,918 --> 00:36:58,453 No, it's not the right time. 701 00:36:58,553 --> 00:37:01,790 - It's not the right time. - Oh. Pussy. 702 00:37:01,890 --> 00:37:03,407 Hey, Darcie, wait up! 703 00:37:07,380 --> 00:37:09,298 - Hey, what's up? - Hey. 704 00:37:09,398 --> 00:37:13,969 I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out sometime? 705 00:37:14,069 --> 00:37:17,706 Like, just as friends? 706 00:37:17,806 --> 00:37:22,411 Yeah. Yeah, I would like that. 707 00:37:22,511 --> 00:37:24,762 I'll see you later. 708 00:37:29,769 --> 00:37:32,937 "Just as friends"? Come on. 709 00:37:35,375 --> 00:37:37,626 Let's remember the important part of the conversation. 710 00:37:37,726 --> 00:37:39,561 I have a date with Darcie Williams. 711 00:37:39,661 --> 00:37:41,330 Oh, my God. 712 00:37:41,430 --> 00:37:43,228 Do you know what I've been thinking about? 713 00:37:43,328 --> 00:37:44,806 What I'm gonna do after high school. 714 00:37:44,906 --> 00:37:46,503 Am I gonna go to college? I don't know. 715 00:37:46,603 --> 00:37:48,121 Am I gonna go to Europe for two years 716 00:37:48,221 --> 00:37:49,538 and finally find myself? 717 00:37:49,638 --> 00:37:51,974 You know we're only doing this for a month, right? 718 00:37:52,074 --> 00:37:54,743 Seriously, don't you feel like this is our second shot 719 00:37:54,843 --> 00:37:56,721 at, "What do you want to be when you grow up"? 720 00:37:56,821 --> 00:37:58,413 What do you want to be? 721 00:37:58,513 --> 00:38:00,549 I'm pretty sure that having Jessica in high school 722 00:38:00,649 --> 00:38:02,584 dictated my path, like, a long time ago. 723 00:38:02,684 --> 00:38:03,684 No, it didn't, okay? 724 00:38:03,783 --> 00:38:06,555 This is a second chance. 725 00:38:06,655 --> 00:38:08,690 Are you or are you not going out with Pi tonight? 726 00:38:08,790 --> 00:38:11,393 Oh, my God, I haven't been on a date in ages. 727 00:38:11,493 --> 00:38:12,995 I'm not even sure what this is. 728 00:38:13,095 --> 00:38:15,831 Oh, my God, shut up. 729 00:38:15,931 --> 00:38:18,267 Shut the hell up. 730 00:38:18,367 --> 00:38:21,937 You and your post-pregancy huge vagina need this, okay? 731 00:38:22,037 --> 00:38:24,406 Take this opportunity. 732 00:38:24,506 --> 00:38:25,674 Okay, I was full lying. 733 00:38:25,774 --> 00:38:27,309 Do you know if you do enough kegels, 734 00:38:27,409 --> 00:38:29,646 your vagina can literally play with itself, hands-free, 735 00:38:29,746 --> 00:38:31,104 like a Bluetooth for your vagina? 736 00:38:31,204 --> 00:38:32,642 I've literally been touching myself 737 00:38:32,742 --> 00:38:33,949 hands free since I got here. 738 00:38:34,049 --> 00:38:36,485 Oh, no, I'm gonna orgasm right now, 739 00:38:36,585 --> 00:38:39,054 in like two seconds. Oh, my God. 740 00:38:39,154 --> 00:38:41,957 This is so awkward for you but it's so good for me. 741 00:38:42,057 --> 00:38:44,293 Oh, my God, watch me. 742 00:38:44,393 --> 00:38:46,549 Oh, my God, watch my pants. They're gonna get so wet. 743 00:38:46,649 --> 00:38:49,331 - Oh, no. - Day drinking. 744 00:38:49,431 --> 00:38:51,300 - No. No. - Perfect. 745 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:52,997 So it's safe to assume you're too drunk 746 00:38:53,097 --> 00:38:54,803 to take me to soccer tryouts? 747 00:38:54,903 --> 00:38:57,406 I've had half a glass of wine. 748 00:38:57,506 --> 00:39:00,309 - You are so pathetic. - My God, I'm gonna pass out. 749 00:39:00,409 --> 00:39:02,206 Oh, my God, I'm thinking about you and Adam. 750 00:39:02,306 --> 00:39:05,843 Oh, no. Oh, no. Pi! 751 00:39:08,917 --> 00:39:10,352 Oh, my God. 752 00:39:10,452 --> 00:39:14,523 Whatever. Trent's taking me anyways. 753 00:39:14,623 --> 00:39:16,491 I don't know what she said. 754 00:39:16,591 --> 00:39:19,027 But I'm gonna need an extra pair of sweatpants. 755 00:39:19,127 --> 00:39:21,125 No, it'll do all of that, but, I mean, basically, 756 00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:23,103 it's similar to what you know, but it's also-- 757 00:39:23,203 --> 00:39:24,203 Hey nerds! 758 00:39:26,652 --> 00:39:28,737 - What are you doing? - Adam has a new prototype 759 00:39:28,837 --> 00:39:30,672 that will revolutionize the smartphone. 760 00:39:30,772 --> 00:39:32,990 We're gonna test out a few of the game apps. 761 00:39:34,894 --> 00:39:36,445 Can we see it? 762 00:39:36,545 --> 00:39:39,448 No, no, it's a prototype. 763 00:39:39,548 --> 00:39:40,816 I mean, these guys had to sign 764 00:39:40,916 --> 00:39:42,651 non-disclosure agreements to see it. 765 00:39:42,751 --> 00:39:44,969 Can I see it? 766 00:39:46,939 --> 00:39:48,890 Don't get me wrong, I love Greg, 767 00:39:48,990 --> 00:39:51,267 and he's been my best friend since I was four years old, 768 00:39:51,367 --> 00:39:53,528 but that giant stick up his ass is so obvious, 769 00:39:53,628 --> 00:39:56,732 he's often mistaken for a fudge-icle. 770 00:39:56,832 --> 00:40:00,418 Hey, dickhead. Give me the phone. 771 00:40:02,422 --> 00:40:04,773 Y-you can't. What if somebody sees it? 772 00:40:04,873 --> 00:40:07,376 Don't be such a pussy, Shits-his-pantsky. 773 00:40:07,476 --> 00:40:09,760 Yeah, Shits-his-pantsky, heh. 774 00:40:13,699 --> 00:40:15,150 Seriously, if this gets leaked-- 775 00:40:15,250 --> 00:40:18,453 Seriously, don't worry about it. Guys, give it a try. 776 00:40:18,553 --> 00:40:21,022 Whoo-hoo. Lesbians. 777 00:40:23,258 --> 00:40:26,895 All right, what do I know? I'm just Shits-his-pantsky. 778 00:40:30,065 --> 00:40:31,867 Play threesomes. 779 00:40:33,235 --> 00:40:34,235 Oh. 780 00:40:38,124 --> 00:40:39,124 Yeah. 781 00:40:39,941 --> 00:40:40,941 Oh. 782 00:40:41,676 --> 00:40:42,676 Nice. 783 00:40:47,782 --> 00:40:50,234 - Yeah. - Ahem. 784 00:40:52,205 --> 00:40:54,589 Real mature. 785 00:40:54,689 --> 00:40:57,125 This is the life you were missing 20 years ago? 786 00:40:57,225 --> 00:40:59,528 Erin-- Ms. Wegner, what are you doing here? 787 00:40:59,628 --> 00:41:01,096 We got an anonymous call 788 00:41:01,196 --> 00:41:02,953 that our students were smoking marijuana... 789 00:41:03,053 --> 00:41:04,065 It's medicinal. 790 00:41:04,165 --> 00:41:06,768 - ...on school property... - Pfft. 791 00:41:06,868 --> 00:41:08,825 ...and now I walk by to see porn being projected 792 00:41:08,925 --> 00:41:10,839 on the high school wall. 793 00:41:10,939 --> 00:41:12,507 While you may be high school students, 794 00:41:12,607 --> 00:41:14,109 you're still adults in real life, 795 00:41:14,209 --> 00:41:17,145 and doing drugs and watching porn at a place for children 796 00:41:17,245 --> 00:41:19,322 is still generally frowned upon by most of society. 797 00:41:19,422 --> 00:41:21,783 What are you gonna do, Erin, give us all detentions? 798 00:41:21,883 --> 00:41:24,553 Well, unfortunately, protocol would be 799 00:41:24,653 --> 00:41:26,371 to contact the police where, if convicted, 800 00:41:26,471 --> 00:41:29,458 you could face some serious jail time. 801 00:41:29,558 --> 00:41:34,044 - Whatever, NARC. - Projector, off. 802 00:41:35,948 --> 00:41:38,900 I am-- I am so sorry about that. 803 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,836 Can I ask why you're doing this? 804 00:41:40,936 --> 00:41:43,413 Because if it's just to relive some teenage hormonal fantasy, 805 00:41:43,513 --> 00:41:44,940 that's pretty pathetic. 806 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,777 I-- I just feel like I missed out on high school. 807 00:41:48,877 --> 00:41:51,646 Adam, how many of your grad class are billionaires? 808 00:41:51,746 --> 00:41:54,182 None. Unless you count me, okay, then one. 809 00:41:54,282 --> 00:41:56,280 And how long have you and Greg been best friends? 810 00:41:56,380 --> 00:41:57,919 My whole life. 811 00:41:58,019 --> 00:41:59,817 And you spend your days doing what you love, 812 00:41:59,917 --> 00:42:02,123 - I presume, with him. - Yeah, it's amazing. 813 00:42:02,223 --> 00:42:04,041 So, why are you doing this again? 814 00:42:06,679 --> 00:42:09,798 Well, I hope you find it this time, 815 00:42:09,898 --> 00:42:12,683 because those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it. 816 00:42:15,922 --> 00:42:19,741 It's not just a dorky way of saying come to class. 817 00:42:19,841 --> 00:42:21,191 See you Monday, Adam. 818 00:42:23,930 --> 00:42:25,847 Is it just me or does anybody else 819 00:42:25,947 --> 00:42:30,051 hear Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" right now? 820 00:42:33,755 --> 00:42:35,657 Fast food at the point. 821 00:42:35,757 --> 00:42:37,626 Now this really does feel like high school. 822 00:42:37,726 --> 00:42:39,326 Totally. 823 00:42:39,661 --> 00:42:41,530 Who am I kidding? I have never been here. 824 00:42:41,630 --> 00:42:44,032 - Seriously? - Yeah. 825 00:42:44,132 --> 00:42:48,236 Oh, I was here every weekend in high school. 826 00:42:48,336 --> 00:42:51,922 Okay, easy on the judgy eyes. 827 00:42:54,327 --> 00:42:58,162 I can't believe I am here with you. 828 00:43:00,866 --> 00:43:04,920 You know, I think I saw you on TV last year. 829 00:43:05,020 --> 00:43:08,089 You were having dinner at the White House. 830 00:43:08,189 --> 00:43:10,158 That was not as cool. 831 00:43:10,258 --> 00:43:12,227 You're telling me that you think it's cooler 832 00:43:12,327 --> 00:43:14,829 hanging out with me here at the point 833 00:43:14,929 --> 00:43:17,632 than waltzing with the First Lady. 834 00:43:17,732 --> 00:43:18,732 You're the prom queen. 835 00:43:18,831 --> 00:43:20,201 I don't think the First Lady 836 00:43:20,301 --> 00:43:22,671 can boast such an honor. 837 00:43:22,771 --> 00:43:24,873 I didn't even go to our prom. 838 00:43:24,973 --> 00:43:28,677 You gave a whole entire village in Africa clean water. 839 00:43:28,777 --> 00:43:32,614 Who cares about prom? 840 00:43:32,714 --> 00:43:34,683 Everything that seemed important in high school, 841 00:43:34,783 --> 00:43:38,102 it just-- it doesn't matter anymore. 842 00:43:41,340 --> 00:43:42,706 You're right. 843 00:43:44,810 --> 00:43:48,646 But it does feel really nice to be on a date again. 844 00:43:50,282 --> 00:43:52,367 Is that what we're doing? 845 00:43:52,467 --> 00:43:54,667 Well, yeah. 846 00:43:56,237 --> 00:43:57,437 Right? 847 00:44:16,409 --> 00:44:18,960 So, are we, like, going out now, or...? 848 00:44:19,060 --> 00:44:20,660 I guess. 849 00:44:44,437 --> 00:44:47,322 You've put the "heaven" in thirty "su-heaven." 850 00:44:47,422 --> 00:44:48,422 What are they doing here? 851 00:44:48,521 --> 00:44:49,521 Hey! 852 00:44:50,425 --> 00:44:53,328 Wow, I love your... 853 00:44:53,428 --> 00:44:54,828 Really? 854 00:44:54,996 --> 00:44:55,996 What? 855 00:45:03,422 --> 00:45:06,457 It's a blast from the past. 856 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:26,560 Oh, no! 857 00:45:28,196 --> 00:45:31,196 Oh, no! Oh, no! 858 00:45:38,758 --> 00:45:39,758 Yes! 859 00:45:40,074 --> 00:45:41,074 Whoo! 860 00:45:50,202 --> 00:45:52,160 Where are you going, Shits-his-pantsky? 861 00:45:52,260 --> 00:45:55,190 Shit your pants again? 862 00:45:55,290 --> 00:45:58,059 Hey, hey, hey. 863 00:45:58,159 --> 00:45:59,427 Where are you going? 864 00:45:59,527 --> 00:46:01,229 Uh, hotel, put some work in. 865 00:46:01,329 --> 00:46:02,731 You're ditching? 866 00:46:02,831 --> 00:46:04,348 Well, yeah, I got a text this morning 867 00:46:04,448 --> 00:46:06,445 that someone leaked photos of the prototype phone 868 00:46:06,545 --> 00:46:09,070 that you were showing off the other day, so... 869 00:46:09,170 --> 00:46:12,107 - Is it serious? - I don't know yet. 870 00:46:12,207 --> 00:46:13,885 Come on, man, there's already been, like, 871 00:46:13,985 --> 00:46:15,463 a kajillion rumors about this thing. 872 00:46:15,563 --> 00:46:16,745 A, "kajillion" isn't a word, 873 00:46:16,845 --> 00:46:18,283 and, B, this is getting ridiculous. 874 00:46:18,383 --> 00:46:20,148 - I'm done. - You can't quit. 875 00:46:20,248 --> 00:46:21,783 You don't get the money if you quit. 876 00:46:21,883 --> 00:46:23,841 Are you seriously being an ass monkey right now? 877 00:46:23,941 --> 00:46:25,299 You think I care about the money? 878 00:46:25,399 --> 00:46:26,637 Okay-- I didn't mean it, okay? 879 00:46:26,737 --> 00:46:28,893 I promise, I'll take care of everything I screwed up. 880 00:46:28,993 --> 00:46:30,510 You shouldn't be cleaning up my mess. 881 00:46:30,610 --> 00:46:32,227 I just-- I really need you tonight. 882 00:46:32,327 --> 00:46:33,895 You got enough new friends. 883 00:46:33,995 --> 00:46:35,712 I'm sure they can help you with whatever-- 884 00:46:35,812 --> 00:46:37,766 No, no, no, no. I need you, okay? 885 00:46:37,866 --> 00:46:39,344 We've been invited to the car rally. 886 00:46:39,444 --> 00:46:41,503 We hate car rallies. 887 00:46:41,603 --> 00:46:44,339 No, we hated car rallies 'cause we were never invited. 888 00:46:44,439 --> 00:46:47,509 Well, we've been invited now, so they're cool. 889 00:46:47,609 --> 00:46:49,277 We're cool. 890 00:46:49,377 --> 00:46:51,212 You know, you sound like an idiot. 891 00:46:51,312 --> 00:46:53,481 You're arguably the smartest man on the planet, 892 00:46:53,581 --> 00:46:56,184 and you're starting to talk like a 14-year-old girl. 893 00:46:56,284 --> 00:46:57,684 Nuh-uh. 894 00:46:59,153 --> 00:47:01,556 Look, you know you're my best friend, right? 895 00:47:01,656 --> 00:47:04,159 Okay, I can't do this without you. 896 00:47:04,259 --> 00:47:05,509 You know that's true, right? 897 00:47:13,986 --> 00:47:15,586 Come on. 898 00:47:17,590 --> 00:47:18,590 Hey! 899 00:47:20,441 --> 00:47:22,410 You can be my wingman anytime. 900 00:47:22,510 --> 00:47:25,095 Bullshit. You can be mine. 901 00:47:30,903 --> 00:47:32,821 He'd be my wingman, right? 902 00:47:32,921 --> 00:47:34,422 He'd be-- yeah, he'd be my wingman. 903 00:47:38,660 --> 00:47:40,895 - What are you doing, man? - Stretching. 904 00:47:40,995 --> 00:47:43,464 Yeah, you should do it, too. You'll regret it if you don't. 905 00:47:43,564 --> 00:47:45,366 You look gay. 906 00:47:45,466 --> 00:47:47,135 Dude, you can't make that joke anymore. 907 00:47:47,235 --> 00:47:48,837 Yeah, that's true. Everyone's 908 00:47:48,937 --> 00:47:50,614 a little gay nowadays. Don't be ignorant. 909 00:47:50,714 --> 00:47:52,040 Do you guys know how hard it is 910 00:47:52,140 --> 00:47:53,898 to parent someone in the same grade as you? 911 00:47:53,998 --> 00:47:55,676 Can one of you guys help me with my life? 912 00:47:55,776 --> 00:47:57,111 What's this for? 913 00:47:57,211 --> 00:47:58,513 - I'm auditioning for-- - Porn. 914 00:47:58,613 --> 00:48:00,582 Not for porn, for a play. 915 00:48:00,682 --> 00:48:03,084 I mean, she hasn't called, she hasn't e-mailed. 916 00:48:03,184 --> 00:48:04,552 She hasn't even texted. 917 00:48:04,652 --> 00:48:06,370 Why are you freaking out? Aren't you ready 918 00:48:06,470 --> 00:48:07,470 for a little you time? 919 00:48:07,569 --> 00:48:09,591 I don't know. I just didn't think me time 920 00:48:09,691 --> 00:48:13,328 - would feel this lonely. - Thanks a lot. 921 00:48:13,428 --> 00:48:16,164 Okay, come on. You know what I mean. 922 00:48:16,264 --> 00:48:18,566 I think you need to act a little less lonely. 923 00:48:18,666 --> 00:48:20,001 Try working on it. 924 00:48:20,101 --> 00:48:22,871 Seriously, can you put Mom Darcie to bed 925 00:48:22,971 --> 00:48:25,640 and bring out fun Darcie for a little while? 926 00:48:25,740 --> 00:48:28,309 - Like, please? - Please? 927 00:48:28,409 --> 00:48:29,978 Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please? 928 00:48:30,078 --> 00:48:31,446 Okay, fine. Beer me. 929 00:48:31,546 --> 00:48:33,214 - Yes. - Yes! 930 00:48:33,314 --> 00:48:35,450 - Yo, yo, yo, Pi. - Yeah? 931 00:48:35,550 --> 00:48:37,634 - You're with us, yeah? - Yeah. 932 00:48:41,941 --> 00:48:42,941 Okay. 933 00:48:44,125 --> 00:48:45,125 Yeah. 934 00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,562 Listen up, everyone! 935 00:48:47,662 --> 00:48:49,631 You know how this goes. 936 00:48:49,731 --> 00:48:51,599 Sarah's got the lists. 937 00:48:51,699 --> 00:48:55,103 Steve Probyn's parents are gone for the weekend, 938 00:48:55,203 --> 00:49:00,675 so he has graciously let us use his place 939 00:49:00,775 --> 00:49:04,112 for the final tally and party. 940 00:49:07,415 --> 00:49:10,084 Just like old times, people. 941 00:49:10,184 --> 00:49:11,686 On your mark... 942 00:49:11,786 --> 00:49:13,786 get set... 943 00:49:15,690 --> 00:49:16,690 go! 944 00:49:32,794 --> 00:49:34,108 You've got this. Yes, you do. 945 00:49:34,208 --> 00:49:35,343 You can do this. 946 00:49:35,443 --> 00:49:38,043 Close enough. 947 00:49:43,451 --> 00:49:45,248 Hey, Steve, you know that's not on the list. 948 00:49:45,348 --> 00:49:46,348 Oh, I know. 949 00:49:46,447 --> 00:49:47,645 I think this is my dad's car. 950 00:49:47,745 --> 00:49:49,090 Fuck him! 951 00:49:55,196 --> 00:49:57,598 - This is a bad idea. - Ugh, shut up, Greg. 952 00:49:57,698 --> 00:49:59,467 Don't be such a little bitch. 953 00:49:59,567 --> 00:50:00,725 What if the owner comes back? 954 00:50:00,825 --> 00:50:02,704 They're not gonna come back. 955 00:50:02,804 --> 00:50:05,039 - Okay, run, Greg. - Why? 956 00:50:05,139 --> 00:50:07,308 Ooh, they're in the car! 957 00:50:19,187 --> 00:50:21,022 Thanks, Greg! 958 00:50:28,164 --> 00:50:29,164 God damn, dude. 959 00:50:29,263 --> 00:50:31,199 That's right. 960 00:50:40,646 --> 00:50:42,510 What's he taste like? 961 00:50:44,779 --> 00:50:47,448 Oh, she, what does she--? 962 00:50:47,548 --> 00:50:49,684 Did you just panty raid your own mom? 963 00:50:53,209 --> 00:50:54,209 Shh. 964 00:50:54,308 --> 00:50:55,508 Hello? 965 00:50:56,757 --> 00:50:58,192 Hey, what the--? 966 00:50:58,292 --> 00:51:00,628 - What happened to your shirt? - Lost it. 967 00:51:00,728 --> 00:51:02,363 - How? - I don't know. 968 00:51:04,499 --> 00:51:06,734 Hey! Aren't you a fuckin' cop? 969 00:51:17,145 --> 00:51:19,247 What's up, Platoon? 970 00:51:21,382 --> 00:51:22,717 I didn't know how funny you are. 971 00:51:22,817 --> 00:51:24,152 Me, too. You killed it tonight. 972 00:51:24,252 --> 00:51:25,530 Anytime I need a copilot-- hey. 973 00:51:25,630 --> 00:51:29,157 That's what I'm gonna call you. 974 00:51:29,257 --> 00:51:30,591 Anita Copilot. 975 00:51:30,691 --> 00:51:32,291 Totally. 976 00:51:35,329 --> 00:51:38,566 Sarah, do you have the final tally? 977 00:51:40,368 --> 00:51:43,071 Well, I have the most activities checked. 978 00:51:43,171 --> 00:51:45,522 Did you count my bonus points? 979 00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,646 - For teabagging a minor? - Yes. 980 00:51:51,746 --> 00:51:53,346 Eh? Yes? 981 00:51:56,217 --> 00:51:58,419 You wrote in your own bonus points. 982 00:51:58,519 --> 00:52:00,154 That doesn't count. 983 00:52:00,254 --> 00:52:02,723 - Give it to him! - Give it to him. 984 00:52:02,823 --> 00:52:06,527 The people have spoken. 985 00:52:06,627 --> 00:52:10,398 Hey, I'd like to make a toast. 986 00:52:10,498 --> 00:52:12,534 And I wasn't sure how this whole high school thing 987 00:52:12,634 --> 00:52:19,574 was gonna go, but the last few weeks have been amazing. 988 00:52:19,674 --> 00:52:22,510 So, let's raise a glass 989 00:52:22,610 --> 00:52:24,812 to the guy who made it all possible, 990 00:52:24,912 --> 00:52:29,250 the man with a plan, the coolest guy in school. 991 00:52:29,350 --> 00:52:30,950 To Adam. 992 00:52:35,240 --> 00:52:37,440 Adam! Adam! 993 00:52:40,612 --> 00:52:42,563 So, tell me. How does it feel 994 00:52:42,663 --> 00:52:45,533 to be the most popular guy in school? 995 00:52:45,633 --> 00:52:49,570 I always thought that was so sexy. 996 00:53:01,567 --> 00:53:02,567 Mom? 997 00:53:02,817 --> 00:53:04,935 Oh, my God, ew! 998 00:53:07,406 --> 00:53:08,856 What are you doing here? 999 00:53:08,956 --> 00:53:11,073 I thought you weren't my mother for an entire month. 1000 00:53:11,173 --> 00:53:12,393 That is not what I said. 1001 00:53:12,493 --> 00:53:13,891 Does your father know you're here? 1002 00:53:13,991 --> 00:53:15,563 God, you are so humiliating. 1003 00:53:15,663 --> 00:53:17,431 Jessica, get back here. 1004 00:53:17,531 --> 00:53:18,733 Whatever, slut. 1005 00:53:18,833 --> 00:53:20,268 Beer, Mr. Jackson? 1006 00:53:20,368 --> 00:53:22,670 No, tonight it's Trevor. 1007 00:53:22,770 --> 00:53:23,905 Whatever, Trevor. 1008 00:53:24,005 --> 00:53:25,642 Hey, Shawn, is it weird to be at a party 1009 00:53:25,742 --> 00:53:27,620 with your older brother and your older sister? 1010 00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:28,720 Whatever. 1011 00:53:28,819 --> 00:53:30,895 Yeah, bet you guys do all kinds of things together. 1012 00:53:30,995 --> 00:53:32,313 Shut up, dick. 1013 00:53:32,413 --> 00:53:34,091 Thought you told my mom you were studying 1014 00:53:34,191 --> 00:53:35,309 at a friend's house tonight. 1015 00:53:35,409 --> 00:53:36,607 I am. This is my buddy Steve, 1016 00:53:36,707 --> 00:53:37,825 and tonight, we're studying. 1017 00:53:37,925 --> 00:53:39,763 First class-- alcohol and the female anatomy. 1018 00:53:39,863 --> 00:53:41,689 Spoiler alert, the answer is vagina. 1019 00:53:43,924 --> 00:53:45,459 What are you doing? 1020 00:53:45,559 --> 00:53:47,261 I told Mom I'd text her if I saw you. 1021 00:53:47,361 --> 00:53:48,878 What was that answer again, "Vagina?" 1022 00:53:48,978 --> 00:53:50,665 - Vagina. - Whatever you see tonight, 1023 00:53:50,765 --> 00:53:52,967 you didn't see. Get it? 1024 00:53:53,067 --> 00:53:57,371 Oh, if those are the rules, Trevor, 1025 00:53:57,471 --> 00:54:02,343 you want a toke of some sweet bud? 1026 00:54:02,443 --> 00:54:04,312 Abso-fuckin'-lutely. 1027 00:54:04,412 --> 00:54:06,948 Whoo, let's tear it up, fuckers! 1028 00:54:12,404 --> 00:54:15,005 - Hey. - Hey. 1029 00:54:18,910 --> 00:54:21,729 Did I use too much tongue? 1030 00:54:21,829 --> 00:54:25,566 No, gosh, you were-- you were fine. 1031 00:54:25,666 --> 00:54:27,350 I mean, you were-- you were great. 1032 00:54:28,820 --> 00:54:30,020 May I? 1033 00:54:34,026 --> 00:54:36,826 You all right? 1034 00:54:37,778 --> 00:54:39,947 Yeah, I'm fine. 1035 00:54:40,047 --> 00:54:41,716 Thank you for all of this. 1036 00:54:41,816 --> 00:54:44,452 Yeah, you look like you're having the time of your life. 1037 00:54:44,552 --> 00:54:47,688 No, I mean it. Thank you. 1038 00:54:47,788 --> 00:54:51,325 I've spent the last 20 years looking back at these days 1039 00:54:51,425 --> 00:54:54,629 and just remembering how amazing they were. 1040 00:54:54,729 --> 00:54:57,298 Something tells me those aren't tears of joy 1041 00:54:57,398 --> 00:54:58,933 coming out of your face right now. 1042 00:54:59,033 --> 00:55:00,550 Yeah, well, I did just get reamed out 1043 00:55:00,650 --> 00:55:02,470 by my teenage daughter at a house party 1044 00:55:02,570 --> 00:55:04,272 for acting like a slut. 1045 00:55:04,372 --> 00:55:06,941 - Ouch. - Right? 1046 00:55:07,041 --> 00:55:08,476 She does have a point, though. 1047 00:55:08,576 --> 00:55:13,547 I have been super self-absorbed lately. 1048 00:55:13,647 --> 00:55:15,416 I think you're cool. 1049 00:55:15,516 --> 00:55:16,984 I mean, you know that, right? 1050 00:55:17,084 --> 00:55:19,487 I'm always gonna think you're cool. 1051 00:55:19,587 --> 00:55:20,587 Duh. 1052 00:55:22,841 --> 00:55:25,593 Hey, I know that you and I have maybe 1053 00:55:25,693 --> 00:55:26,891 sorta started something here, 1054 00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:30,398 but I really think I've gotta pull back 1055 00:55:30,498 --> 00:55:33,701 and focus more on my daughter. 1056 00:55:33,801 --> 00:55:35,678 After all, it is her last year of high school, 1057 00:55:35,778 --> 00:55:37,696 and you and I both know that isn't always easy. 1058 00:55:37,796 --> 00:55:39,905 Yeah, uh... 1059 00:55:41,442 --> 00:55:44,445 thanks for letting a nerd date the coolest girl in school. 1060 00:55:44,545 --> 00:55:47,048 Thanks for letting a single mom 1061 00:55:47,148 --> 00:55:48,783 date a famous billionaire. 1062 00:55:52,604 --> 00:55:55,990 Break up on three? 1063 00:55:56,090 --> 00:55:58,875 One, two, three. 1064 00:56:00,946 --> 00:56:02,863 I know it's not always cool in high school 1065 00:56:02,963 --> 00:56:04,600 to be, you know, friends with your ex... 1066 00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:09,003 I'm really glad we got to know each other. 1067 00:56:09,103 --> 00:56:10,503 Thanks. 1068 00:56:11,839 --> 00:56:16,444 Okay, if I'm gonna focus on being a better role model, 1069 00:56:16,544 --> 00:56:18,679 we should probably get out of the bedroom. 1070 00:56:18,779 --> 00:56:20,548 Everyone knows, at high school parties, 1071 00:56:20,648 --> 00:56:22,925 you only go to the bedroom if you're trying to get laid. 1072 00:56:23,025 --> 00:56:24,423 Were we gonna have sex? 1073 00:56:24,523 --> 00:56:25,886 I don't-- 1074 00:56:25,986 --> 00:56:28,756 - Jessica! - Oh, my God. 1075 00:56:28,856 --> 00:56:31,092 Who is this? I thought you were dating Trent. 1076 00:56:31,192 --> 00:56:33,928 This is Shawn, my friend. 1077 00:56:34,028 --> 00:56:35,496 Unlike you, I don't feel the need 1078 00:56:35,596 --> 00:56:37,698 to make out with every guy in high school. 1079 00:56:37,798 --> 00:56:39,734 I always thought this was boyfriend material. 1080 00:56:39,834 --> 00:56:41,535 Your "friend"? 1081 00:56:41,635 --> 00:56:43,672 Is that why you're sneaking into an empty bedroom? 1082 00:56:43,772 --> 00:56:45,050 What were you gonna do in here? 1083 00:56:45,150 --> 00:56:46,907 What am I doing? What are you doing? 1084 00:56:47,007 --> 00:56:48,609 Are you guys having sex? 1085 00:56:48,709 --> 00:56:52,113 - Ew, no. - I'm not sure I'd use "ew." 1086 00:56:52,213 --> 00:56:53,714 Are you having sex? 1087 00:56:53,814 --> 00:56:55,916 Is that why you two came in here? 1088 00:56:56,016 --> 00:56:58,552 Is this how you're planning on losing your virginity? 1089 00:56:58,652 --> 00:57:03,157 Wait, you're still a virgin? Sweet! 1090 00:57:03,257 --> 00:57:07,061 You two clearly have a lot of shit to talk about, so... 1091 00:57:07,161 --> 00:57:09,430 Yeah, I think he's right. 1092 00:57:09,530 --> 00:57:11,699 Not about the virginity thing, just... 1093 00:57:13,601 --> 00:57:16,719 ...you guys clearly have to figure out this between you. 1094 00:57:22,994 --> 00:57:25,646 We all know the rules? 1095 00:57:25,746 --> 00:57:28,716 - Oh, look at that. - No. 1096 00:57:28,816 --> 00:57:30,818 And-- and, oh. 1097 00:57:30,918 --> 00:57:32,168 It wants to go there. 1098 00:57:35,574 --> 00:57:38,058 Are you guys having a good time? 1099 00:57:38,158 --> 00:57:40,895 Why didn't we ever get drunk in high school? 1100 00:57:40,995 --> 00:57:42,830 This is awesome. 1101 00:57:42,930 --> 00:57:46,033 I lost my shirt in the car. 1102 00:57:46,133 --> 00:57:47,601 Never mind, you know what? 1103 00:57:47,701 --> 00:57:49,837 I'm gonna get you your shirt, okay? 1104 00:57:49,937 --> 00:57:50,937 Sweet. 1105 00:57:55,193 --> 00:57:57,193 Hey-- hey. 1106 00:57:57,912 --> 00:57:59,613 Hey, what are you guys doing here? 1107 00:57:59,713 --> 00:58:01,649 Steve invited us. 1108 00:58:01,749 --> 00:58:03,584 Steve, did you invite the teachers? 1109 00:58:03,684 --> 00:58:04,684 What? 1110 00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:07,438 - We should go. - No, no, no, no, no. 1111 00:58:07,538 --> 00:58:08,656 I am glad you guys are here. 1112 00:58:08,756 --> 00:58:10,074 Uh, let me get you guys a drink. 1113 00:58:10,174 --> 00:58:12,726 Erin, you made it! 1114 00:58:12,826 --> 00:58:14,895 Steve, Erin is one of our teachers. 1115 00:58:14,995 --> 00:58:16,664 Fuck off, what? 1116 00:58:16,764 --> 00:58:19,667 There is no way. I would've remembered you. 1117 00:58:19,767 --> 00:58:21,635 What were you, like, seven years old? 1118 00:58:21,735 --> 00:58:23,938 What? Look at her. 1119 00:58:24,038 --> 00:58:27,141 Look, I promised the girls a soda, okay? 1120 00:58:27,241 --> 00:58:29,710 I'll see you around. 1121 00:58:29,810 --> 00:58:31,610 Hey. Hey. 1122 00:58:33,781 --> 00:58:35,649 You're here. 1123 00:58:35,749 --> 00:58:39,253 No. What the fuck is this? 1124 00:58:39,353 --> 00:58:41,522 - Huh? - You love it. 1125 00:58:41,622 --> 00:58:43,090 - No, I don't. - You love it. 1126 00:58:43,190 --> 00:58:45,493 - I told you I don't. I don't. - You love it. 1127 00:58:45,593 --> 00:58:46,593 I-- 1128 00:58:50,749 --> 00:58:52,733 I knew I shouldn't have come here. 1129 00:58:54,868 --> 00:58:57,668 - Hey. - Hey. 1130 00:58:57,805 --> 00:59:00,508 - I can explain. - Relax, I get it. House party. 1131 00:59:00,608 --> 00:59:02,576 All part of your big do-over. 1132 00:59:02,676 --> 00:59:03,944 How's it going, anyway? 1133 00:59:04,044 --> 00:59:05,946 Uh, pretty good. 1134 00:59:06,046 --> 00:59:07,924 When you have enough money to rewrite history, 1135 00:59:08,024 --> 00:59:09,942 - what does that look like? - What do you mean? 1136 00:59:10,042 --> 00:59:11,759 - I mean, are you cool now? - Pretty much. 1137 00:59:11,859 --> 00:59:13,337 - Invited to all the parties? - Yep. 1138 00:59:13,437 --> 00:59:16,090 - And everyone knows your name? - Yeah. 1139 00:59:16,190 --> 00:59:19,660 Sometimes they even chant it. Adam, Adam, Adam. 1140 00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:21,437 Did you make out with all the hot chicks? 1141 00:59:21,537 --> 00:59:24,698 Well, I kinda just kissed the hottest girl in the school, 1142 00:59:24,798 --> 00:59:26,667 or she kissed me, I don't know. 1143 00:59:26,767 --> 00:59:29,069 It just felt so natural I didn't-- 1144 00:59:29,169 --> 00:59:31,805 That's not gonna work 1145 00:59:31,905 --> 00:59:34,575 'cause, um, we just want different things. 1146 00:59:34,675 --> 00:59:36,277 We're better off as friends. 1147 00:59:36,377 --> 00:59:38,175 I don't understand why you're trying so hard 1148 00:59:38,275 --> 00:59:40,114 not to be yourself. 1149 00:59:40,214 --> 00:59:43,183 A nerd? You think it's cool to be a nerd? 1150 00:59:43,283 --> 00:59:45,152 I'm a nerd. 1151 00:59:45,252 --> 00:59:48,055 There's no way you have ever been a nerd. 1152 00:59:48,155 --> 00:59:51,191 Why can you only "ran" through a campsite, but never "run"? 1153 00:59:51,291 --> 00:59:53,260 Because it's past tents. 1154 00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,230 Okay, well, okay. Shit, you are a nerd. 1155 00:59:56,330 --> 01:00:00,568 Okay, ah, maybe nerds and popular people 1156 01:00:00,668 --> 01:00:02,146 just aren't supposed to be together. 1157 01:00:02,246 --> 01:00:04,705 Maybe she just didn't like the way you kiss. 1158 01:00:04,805 --> 01:00:06,605 What? No. 1159 01:00:07,074 --> 01:00:08,809 The movie Revenge of the Nerds? 1160 01:00:08,909 --> 01:00:10,844 Nerds are great kissers. 1161 01:00:10,944 --> 01:00:13,647 When he wears the Darth Vader mask. 1162 01:00:13,747 --> 01:00:16,116 - What? - I don't think I've ever seen 1163 01:00:16,216 --> 01:00:17,718 Revenge of the Nerds. 1164 01:00:25,043 --> 01:00:27,161 I know who Darth Vader is. 1165 01:00:27,261 --> 01:00:29,457 That doesn't help me remember a movie I've never seen. 1166 01:00:29,557 --> 01:00:30,995 Okay, and you call yourself a nerd. 1167 01:00:31,095 --> 01:00:32,853 And you call yourself an incredible kisser. 1168 01:00:32,953 --> 01:00:33,953 I am. 1169 01:00:34,068 --> 01:00:36,604 - Really? - Absolutely. 1170 01:00:36,704 --> 01:00:37,954 Prove it. 1171 01:00:42,193 --> 01:00:43,978 Oh, my God. Not on me, weirdo. 1172 01:00:44,078 --> 01:00:45,813 Okay, I misread that. 1173 01:00:45,913 --> 01:00:47,513 Yeah. 1174 01:00:55,140 --> 01:00:58,092 Move. Please move. 1175 01:00:58,192 --> 01:00:59,192 Move. 1176 01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:03,664 - Hmm? - Honey, let's go. 1177 01:01:03,764 --> 01:01:05,402 It's time to go, come on. Let's go home. 1178 01:01:05,502 --> 01:01:06,834 Let's go. Get up now. 1179 01:01:06,934 --> 01:01:08,736 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Settle down. 1180 01:01:08,836 --> 01:01:10,237 What's happening here? 1181 01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:12,206 - Mind your own business. - Easy, now. 1182 01:01:12,306 --> 01:01:14,141 I said mind your own busi-- whoa! 1183 01:01:14,241 --> 01:01:15,519 Fight! Fight! Fight! 1184 01:01:15,619 --> 01:01:17,811 - Relax! - Stop it! 1185 01:01:27,005 --> 01:01:29,205 Move, move! 1186 01:01:31,959 --> 01:01:33,761 - Oh, yes. - Ooh. 1187 01:01:33,861 --> 01:01:36,061 Oh, my God. 1188 01:01:36,764 --> 01:01:39,233 Dude, is that your brother and sister? 1189 01:01:39,333 --> 01:01:41,435 That is disgusting. Ew. 1190 01:01:41,535 --> 01:01:43,070 - Oh, God. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1191 01:01:43,170 --> 01:01:46,155 - Shawn, wait. - What the hell? 1192 01:01:51,044 --> 01:01:53,047 What happened to the music, bitches? 1193 01:02:06,211 --> 01:02:09,229 Where have you been? You're missing one hell of a party. 1194 01:02:09,329 --> 01:02:12,399 Are you kidding me right now? 1195 01:02:12,499 --> 01:02:15,202 You've been here the whole time, partying? 1196 01:02:15,302 --> 01:02:18,238 You didn't, for one second, just stop to think, 1197 01:02:18,338 --> 01:02:20,176 "Where's Greg? I wonder where Greg might be." 1198 01:02:20,276 --> 01:02:23,010 Not for one second? You didn't think that at all? 1199 01:02:23,110 --> 01:02:25,495 Why are you being such a dick? 1200 01:02:30,168 --> 01:02:31,168 Ow. 1201 01:02:32,820 --> 01:02:35,104 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 1202 01:02:43,964 --> 01:02:47,000 The return of Shits-his-pantsky. 1203 01:02:47,100 --> 01:02:50,504 - That's so gross. - Ew. 1204 01:02:50,604 --> 01:02:52,804 Oh, my God. 1205 01:02:57,395 --> 01:02:59,012 Fuckin' Pi. 1206 01:02:59,112 --> 01:03:02,449 It's a nice lineup we got back here. 1207 01:03:02,549 --> 01:03:04,985 - How are you enjoying school? - You wanna make out? 1208 01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:07,154 I'm actually really enjoying it. 1209 01:03:07,254 --> 01:03:09,052 I'm finding it interesting this time around. 1210 01:03:09,152 --> 01:03:11,349 I'm finding you interesting this time around. 1211 01:03:11,449 --> 01:03:12,449 What's my first name? 1212 01:03:12,548 --> 01:03:14,027 Parking Ticket. 1213 01:03:14,127 --> 01:03:16,430 'Cause you got fine written all over you. 1214 01:03:16,530 --> 01:03:19,366 You're drunk. It's not gonna happen, sorry. 1215 01:03:19,466 --> 01:03:22,136 Your loss. Girls like you are a dime a dozen. 1216 01:03:22,236 --> 01:03:24,392 You know, they'll pretend like you got all dressed up 1217 01:03:24,492 --> 01:03:27,890 to come here, be witty, and talk about Middle East politics. 1218 01:03:34,065 --> 01:03:36,850 Are we gonna fuck or what? 1219 01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:38,301 You're not mad, are ya? 1220 01:03:42,073 --> 01:03:43,090 Shit. 1221 01:03:43,190 --> 01:03:47,060 Fuck. Fuck, mother-- go away. 1222 01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:50,330 Motherfucker. Fucking idiot. 1223 01:03:50,430 --> 01:03:53,801 - Fuck! - Greg, it's me. Let me in. 1224 01:03:53,901 --> 01:03:56,570 I said go away! 1225 01:03:56,670 --> 01:03:58,138 Just walk in. 1226 01:03:58,238 --> 01:04:00,474 My parents took the locks off when I was 13. 1227 01:04:00,574 --> 01:04:02,543 I was jerking off too much. 1228 01:04:02,643 --> 01:04:04,311 They thought it'd stop me. 1229 01:04:04,411 --> 01:04:05,628 It didn't. 1230 01:04:07,465 --> 01:04:09,465 Holy shit! 1231 01:04:09,950 --> 01:04:12,452 Nice wiener. Holy shit! 1232 01:04:12,552 --> 01:04:14,388 Is that shit in your pants? 1233 01:04:14,488 --> 01:04:16,046 Fuck, Probyn, get the fuck out! 1234 01:04:16,146 --> 01:04:17,825 Did Adam do this? 1235 01:04:17,925 --> 01:04:19,525 Get out! 1236 01:04:20,594 --> 01:04:22,162 He said he's gonna need a minute. 1237 01:04:30,288 --> 01:04:32,539 - Greg. - Look, let me go. 1238 01:04:32,639 --> 01:04:34,508 Where are you going, Shit's-his-pansky? 1239 01:04:34,608 --> 01:04:36,276 I know you've had a rough night, okay? 1240 01:04:36,376 --> 01:04:37,377 And I'm sorry. 1241 01:04:37,477 --> 01:04:39,112 You made me shit my pants. 1242 01:04:39,212 --> 01:04:42,082 How could I make you shit your pants? 1243 01:04:42,182 --> 01:04:43,984 You know what? It doesn't matter, I mean... 1244 01:04:44,084 --> 01:04:46,086 Fuck tonight. It's not even about tonight. 1245 01:04:46,186 --> 01:04:49,389 This whole high school do-over, it's been shit. 1246 01:04:49,489 --> 01:04:51,191 Some of it's been cool. 1247 01:04:51,291 --> 01:04:52,993 No, it hasn't been cool. 1248 01:04:53,093 --> 01:04:54,651 You're not cool. You'll never be cool. 1249 01:04:54,751 --> 01:04:58,165 It's a joke. You're a joke. 1250 01:04:58,265 --> 01:05:01,034 Hey, I thought we were having a party. 1251 01:05:01,134 --> 01:05:03,403 Who wants to light off some homemade fireworks? 1252 01:05:03,503 --> 01:05:04,605 - Fuck! - Clear out! 1253 01:05:13,431 --> 01:05:15,588 Will someone tell me why those kids weren't arrested? 1254 01:05:15,688 --> 01:05:18,452 Because they're kids and we're adults, dumbass. 1255 01:05:18,552 --> 01:05:21,488 Uh, legally, we're 17 this month. 1256 01:05:21,588 --> 01:05:24,258 You know that we're just reliving 17, right? 1257 01:05:24,358 --> 01:05:27,060 We didn't actually turn 17. 1258 01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,631 Don't blame each other. It's his fault. 1259 01:05:30,731 --> 01:05:35,502 Yeah, my life was going fine until you pulled this stunt. 1260 01:05:35,602 --> 01:05:39,072 You offered us one year's salary for one month. 1261 01:05:39,172 --> 01:05:42,242 Of course we said yes. We're here for the money. 1262 01:05:42,342 --> 01:05:44,344 Come on, you guys. We've been having a good time. 1263 01:05:44,444 --> 01:05:47,581 This is our chance to make high school awesome. 1264 01:05:47,681 --> 01:05:49,650 You're the only one that needed a do-over. 1265 01:05:49,750 --> 01:05:52,352 For the rest of us, high school was pretty fucking awesome. 1266 01:05:52,452 --> 01:05:56,223 Partying, fucking, and getting wasted. 1267 01:05:56,323 --> 01:05:58,358 You're the only one that had to buy 1268 01:05:58,458 --> 01:06:00,494 a cool high school experience. 1269 01:06:00,594 --> 01:06:02,994 I call fail. 1270 01:06:04,765 --> 01:06:05,765 Nerd. 1271 01:06:10,989 --> 01:06:12,973 What a piece of shit. 1272 01:06:13,073 --> 01:06:16,243 We're still gonna vote on valedictorian, though, right? 1273 01:06:17,711 --> 01:06:19,428 All right, dick heads, let's go, let's go. 1274 01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:22,199 Hey. 1275 01:06:23,316 --> 01:06:25,652 You left your phone at home. 1276 01:06:25,752 --> 01:06:27,988 Someone named Darcie messaged you. 1277 01:06:28,088 --> 01:06:31,425 She said, "Stop asking, it's not going to happen." 1278 01:06:31,525 --> 01:06:34,494 But Claire said that she's "down syndrome." 1279 01:06:34,594 --> 01:06:38,265 I assume that's an autocorrect. 1280 01:06:38,365 --> 01:06:39,533 I untied Tyler, by the way. 1281 01:06:39,633 --> 01:06:42,102 I found him crying in the back yard. 1282 01:06:42,202 --> 01:06:43,202 Shit. 1283 01:06:43,837 --> 01:06:45,439 I knew we forgot something. 1284 01:06:45,539 --> 01:06:47,607 It was a joke. 1285 01:06:47,707 --> 01:06:50,177 I was gonna untie him later. 1286 01:06:50,277 --> 01:06:52,479 But you didn't. 1287 01:06:52,579 --> 01:06:55,048 I also received a video from Dan 1288 01:06:55,148 --> 01:06:57,317 that was very eye-opening. 1289 01:06:57,417 --> 01:07:00,536 The rest of your stuff is in the front yard. 1290 01:07:02,306 --> 01:07:05,174 W-wait. What video? 1291 01:07:09,213 --> 01:07:10,546 Thanks for the time, Warden. 1292 01:07:14,152 --> 01:07:15,602 We are disappointed in you. 1293 01:07:15,702 --> 01:07:17,170 Dad, Mom, I can explain. 1294 01:07:17,270 --> 01:07:18,472 You are grounded. 1295 01:07:18,572 --> 01:07:19,673 But I have school tomorrow. 1296 01:07:19,773 --> 01:07:21,675 No, no, no. No more school for you. 1297 01:07:21,775 --> 01:07:24,344 - What? - Get in the car. 1298 01:07:24,444 --> 01:07:25,444 Ow! 1299 01:07:26,279 --> 01:07:28,382 You know, you'll be sorry when I move out! 1300 01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,425 I am sorry about the other night. 1301 01:07:38,525 --> 01:07:40,027 Let's pretend it didn't happen. 1302 01:07:40,127 --> 01:07:43,530 I'm your teacher. We shouldn't. 1303 01:07:43,630 --> 01:07:45,432 Did anybody else even show up? 1304 01:07:45,532 --> 01:07:47,801 As far as I know, just you. And Sarah. 1305 01:07:47,901 --> 01:07:50,237 She's helping another teacher for extra credit. 1306 01:07:50,337 --> 01:07:51,935 Fine, contract says they have to finish 1307 01:07:52,035 --> 01:07:53,073 or they don't get paid. 1308 01:07:53,173 --> 01:07:57,244 I'm not sure any student was getting paid anyway. 1309 01:07:57,344 --> 01:07:59,479 Did you read the contract? 1310 01:07:59,579 --> 01:08:01,537 Sarah drew it up. She said it was really simple. 1311 01:08:01,637 --> 01:08:02,981 So, no. 1312 01:08:03,683 --> 01:08:05,561 It states that the grades they get now replace 1313 01:08:05,661 --> 01:08:07,454 the grades they had. 1314 01:08:07,554 --> 01:08:09,389 Hardly anyone did enough work to pass, 1315 01:08:09,489 --> 01:08:11,087 and that means, A, they don't get paid, 1316 01:08:11,187 --> 01:08:12,905 and, B, technically speaking, many of them 1317 01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:14,643 didn't-slash-won't graduate high school. 1318 01:08:14,743 --> 01:08:16,540 That's not possible. How is that even legal? 1319 01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:18,437 Your lawyers drew up one hell of a contract. 1320 01:08:18,537 --> 01:08:21,601 My lawyers-- my lawyers didn't draw up the contract. 1321 01:08:21,701 --> 01:08:23,637 Sarah works for the Board of Education. 1322 01:08:23,737 --> 01:08:26,573 Wait, no, no, no, no, no. How did she do? 1323 01:08:26,673 --> 01:08:28,075 - All As. - Of course she did. 1324 01:08:28,175 --> 01:08:29,653 You gotta change everybody's grades. 1325 01:08:29,753 --> 01:08:32,546 - Everybody gets As. - I'm not doing that. 1326 01:08:32,646 --> 01:08:34,314 A D? I got a D? 1327 01:08:34,414 --> 01:08:37,484 You submitted an essay based on temporal paradoxes 1328 01:08:37,584 --> 01:08:39,853 and inaccuracies in the movie Back to the Future. 1329 01:08:39,953 --> 01:08:42,189 You asked for 500 words on historical revisionism. 1330 01:08:42,289 --> 01:08:44,724 That classic trilogy epitomizes the flaws in histor-- 1331 01:08:44,824 --> 01:08:47,794 I don't think I like your tone. 1332 01:08:47,894 --> 01:08:50,230 You asked for 500 words on historical revisionism. 1333 01:08:50,330 --> 01:08:51,865 I think we're done here. 1334 01:08:51,965 --> 01:08:54,401 You asked for an authentic. high school experience, 1335 01:08:54,501 --> 01:08:56,458 and I would hate for that to go sideways on you. 1336 01:08:56,558 --> 01:08:57,876 - Erin. - Ms. Wagner, thank you. 1337 01:08:57,976 --> 01:08:59,134 Would you please take a seat? 1338 01:08:59,234 --> 01:09:00,672 - Ms. Wagner? - I said take a seat. 1339 01:09:02,943 --> 01:09:04,878 Ms. Wagner? 1340 01:09:06,446 --> 01:09:08,846 Wayne Payne. 1341 01:09:09,249 --> 01:09:12,049 Friend, son... 1342 01:09:12,786 --> 01:09:14,386 teacher. 1343 01:09:15,655 --> 01:09:17,691 Wayne, in his final will and testament 1344 01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:20,627 asked that the following be recited. 1345 01:09:20,727 --> 01:09:25,599 It's a quote from the Mahatma Gandhi. 1346 01:09:25,699 --> 01:09:29,169 "Live as if you will die tomorrow. 1347 01:09:29,269 --> 01:09:32,621 Learn as if you will live forever." 1348 01:09:46,820 --> 01:09:48,455 I blame Pi. 1349 01:09:48,555 --> 01:09:50,724 Mr. Payne was an old dude who should never have been 1350 01:09:50,824 --> 01:09:52,980 dragged out of retirement for this high school thing. 1351 01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:54,958 Did you hear about us all losing our diplomas? 1352 01:09:55,058 --> 01:09:56,229 What did you say? 1353 01:09:56,329 --> 01:09:57,846 Not only are we all not getting paid, 1354 01:09:57,946 --> 01:09:59,504 this new grade replaces our old grade. 1355 01:09:59,604 --> 01:10:01,481 What's this shit about us losing our diplomas? 1356 01:10:01,581 --> 01:10:02,581 It's in the contract. 1357 01:10:02,680 --> 01:10:04,197 Our new grades replace our old grades 1358 01:10:04,297 --> 01:10:05,297 on the permanent record. 1359 01:10:05,396 --> 01:10:06,874 Yeah, but the records are permanent. 1360 01:10:06,974 --> 01:10:08,452 How do you change permanent records? 1361 01:10:08,552 --> 01:10:10,429 I can't be a cop without a 12th grade diploma. 1362 01:10:10,529 --> 01:10:11,529 What happens there? 1363 01:10:11,628 --> 01:10:12,906 What do I look like, Wikipedia? 1364 01:10:13,006 --> 01:10:15,582 - Wika-what? - John, I am so sorry. 1365 01:10:17,984 --> 01:10:20,584 Dennis? Andy? 1366 01:10:20,954 --> 01:10:21,954 Greg? 1367 01:10:23,990 --> 01:10:25,828 Come on, you guys know everything I have done 1368 01:10:25,928 --> 01:10:28,295 has been with good intentions. 1369 01:10:28,395 --> 01:10:30,730 What, now, nobody's talking to me? 1370 01:10:30,830 --> 01:10:32,499 Sarah's the one who screwed us over. 1371 01:10:32,599 --> 01:10:35,317 - She may have loaded the gun. - You pulled the trigger. 1372 01:10:40,825 --> 01:10:43,643 Hey! You all right, buddy? 1373 01:10:43,743 --> 01:10:45,979 Hey, it's all good, buddy. 1374 01:10:50,868 --> 01:10:52,919 Look, what I'm saying is 1375 01:10:53,019 --> 01:10:55,488 is Biff can't go back to the future, okay? 1376 01:10:55,588 --> 01:10:56,923 Because he just went to the past 1377 01:10:57,023 --> 01:10:59,526 and he gave himself a sports almanac. 1378 01:10:59,626 --> 01:11:01,461 So it's a different timeline now. 1379 01:11:01,561 --> 01:11:03,263 That's all I'm saying. 1380 01:11:03,363 --> 01:11:04,831 But you know what the real lie is? 1381 01:11:04,931 --> 01:11:08,001 The real lie is that you can change your history, okay? 1382 01:11:08,101 --> 01:11:12,405 Your past is a series of scars and ulcer-inducing moments 1383 01:11:12,505 --> 01:11:15,609 that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your lives. 1384 01:11:15,709 --> 01:11:18,612 You know how you guys are, like, real losers right now? 1385 01:11:18,712 --> 01:11:21,248 That's how it is forever. That's it. 1386 01:11:21,348 --> 01:11:23,145 Look at this guy. Nobody likes him, do they? 1387 01:11:23,245 --> 01:11:24,718 Of course they don't. Look at him. 1388 01:11:24,818 --> 01:11:25,952 Who could like that? 1389 01:11:26,052 --> 01:11:28,021 Nobody likes you in the future, either. 1390 01:11:28,121 --> 01:11:29,623 And they like you even less. 1391 01:11:29,723 --> 01:11:31,691 Yeah. Look at you. 1392 01:11:31,791 --> 01:11:33,860 You clearly have zero friends. 1393 01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:36,317 You know what's interest-- you'll have less in the future. 1394 01:11:36,417 --> 01:11:38,347 Less than zero. 1395 01:11:43,020 --> 01:11:45,972 Guys, I'm not saying you're not gonna be successful. 1396 01:11:46,072 --> 01:11:49,042 Okay? I'm just saying if you're nerds now, 1397 01:11:49,142 --> 01:11:51,311 you're gonna be nerds forever. 1398 01:11:51,411 --> 01:11:55,915 So, good luck getting anybody to ever love you, 1399 01:11:56,015 --> 01:11:57,384 let alone like you. 1400 01:11:58,583 --> 01:12:00,602 You're gonna die alone. 1401 01:12:17,521 --> 01:12:20,573 - What you makin'? - A mess. 1402 01:12:20,673 --> 01:12:22,075 I think you're overreacting. 1403 01:12:22,175 --> 01:12:23,973 No, I've really screwed things up this time. 1404 01:12:24,073 --> 01:12:26,446 - I meant the beaker. - Ah! 1405 01:12:26,546 --> 01:12:28,548 High school sucks. 1406 01:12:28,648 --> 01:12:31,451 It's over and done. Why go back? 1407 01:12:31,551 --> 01:12:33,189 'Cause I didn't know anything back then. 1408 01:12:33,289 --> 01:12:35,722 And now you do. 1409 01:12:37,624 --> 01:12:39,861 You realize that everything that's ever happened to you 1410 01:12:39,961 --> 01:12:42,095 has made you who you are today. You get that, right? 1411 01:12:42,195 --> 01:12:43,963 And your life today is pretty amazing, no? 1412 01:12:44,063 --> 01:12:46,333 Not today-today. 1413 01:12:46,433 --> 01:12:48,190 So, everything that's ever happened to you, 1414 01:12:48,290 --> 01:12:49,847 good or bad, has made you who you are. 1415 01:12:49,947 --> 01:12:51,265 So you're saying that every time 1416 01:12:51,365 --> 01:12:52,839 I was thrown through a fence, 1417 01:12:52,939 --> 01:12:54,941 atomic wedgied, or lit on fire, 1418 01:12:55,041 --> 01:12:56,876 that had a positive effect on who I became? 1419 01:12:56,976 --> 01:12:58,945 Yeah, those things sound pretty awful, 1420 01:12:59,045 --> 01:13:01,481 some even punishable by law. 1421 01:13:01,581 --> 01:13:04,551 But you survived, and they helped shape your character. 1422 01:13:04,651 --> 01:13:07,554 And I happen to think that character's 1423 01:13:07,654 --> 01:13:09,522 a pretty attractive quality in a person. 1424 01:13:09,622 --> 01:13:11,691 So what you're saying is you think I'm attractive? 1425 01:13:11,791 --> 01:13:13,508 - I did not say that. - No, that's exactly 1426 01:13:13,608 --> 01:13:16,396 - what you said. - I'm your teacher. 1427 01:13:16,496 --> 01:13:18,493 Okay, well, then, you probably shouldn't kiss me. 1428 01:13:18,593 --> 01:13:19,593 Well, I'm not going to. 1429 01:13:19,692 --> 01:13:21,130 Well, then, I'm not gonna kiss you. 1430 01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:22,484 - Great. - Good. 1431 01:13:30,628 --> 01:13:32,045 Do you want to go to prom? 1432 01:13:32,145 --> 01:13:33,613 I can't, I'm chaperoning. 1433 01:13:37,884 --> 01:13:40,553 Are we all really gonna fail? 1434 01:13:40,653 --> 01:13:43,723 Everyone quit, so they get a zero. 1435 01:13:43,823 --> 01:13:45,725 Unless they take the final exam and pass. 1436 01:13:45,825 --> 01:13:48,094 It's worth 70% of the final grade. 1437 01:13:48,194 --> 01:13:50,397 Everybody hates me like they did back in high school. 1438 01:13:50,497 --> 01:13:52,214 How am I gonna get them to come to finals? 1439 01:13:52,314 --> 01:13:54,434 It doesn't matter if they hate you or not. 1440 01:13:54,534 --> 01:13:56,169 Just be yourself. 1441 01:13:56,269 --> 01:13:58,638 I'm a nerd. I make phones. 1442 01:13:58,738 --> 01:14:00,589 That's who I am. That's all I know. 1443 01:14:02,760 --> 01:14:04,993 Anyone? Bueller? 1444 01:14:11,535 --> 01:14:15,021 Betty, open the contract on the high school do-over. 1445 01:14:15,121 --> 01:14:17,757 Opening the do-over contract. 1446 01:14:17,857 --> 01:14:19,007 I think I got this. 1447 01:14:21,011 --> 01:14:24,931 So, technically speaking, does the contract 1448 01:14:25,031 --> 01:14:26,599 say anything about not being able 1449 01:14:26,699 --> 01:14:29,002 to use handheld devices during the test? 1450 01:14:29,102 --> 01:14:31,179 It doesn't, but wouldn't that be cheating? 1451 01:14:31,279 --> 01:14:33,440 It's not cheating if it's not in the contract. 1452 01:14:33,540 --> 01:14:35,137 Confirmed, smartphones are not 1453 01:14:35,237 --> 01:14:36,576 in the contract. 1454 01:14:36,676 --> 01:14:38,678 Thank you, Betty. You're the best. 1455 01:14:38,778 --> 01:14:41,714 No, Adam, you're the best. 1456 01:14:41,814 --> 01:14:44,551 What? "Innovation is the difference 1457 01:14:44,651 --> 01:14:48,121 between being a leader and a follower." Steve Jobs. 1458 01:14:48,221 --> 01:14:51,791 I'm being innovative. 1459 01:14:51,891 --> 01:14:53,709 Less judgy eyes. 1460 01:15:00,017 --> 01:15:01,734 You made me shit my pants. 1461 01:15:01,834 --> 01:15:03,069 I know. 1462 01:15:03,169 --> 01:15:07,073 My pants, shit, you. 1463 01:15:07,173 --> 01:15:09,925 I didn't mean to hit you so hard. 1464 01:15:13,297 --> 01:15:16,182 I'm only here 'cause of these two. 1465 01:15:16,282 --> 01:15:18,600 I'll take it. 1466 01:15:24,542 --> 01:15:27,057 My text said we also get awesome new R&D jobs at your company, 1467 01:15:27,157 --> 01:15:29,662 but only if Greg comes back, yes? 1468 01:15:29,762 --> 01:15:31,747 And if Greg doesn't come back? 1469 01:15:35,735 --> 01:15:37,372 You know you're better than this, right? 1470 01:15:37,472 --> 01:15:38,736 I'm not. 1471 01:15:38,871 --> 01:15:43,977 You know that better than anyone. 1472 01:15:44,077 --> 01:15:45,778 You know, you've been an absolute dick, 1473 01:15:45,878 --> 01:15:47,514 and you owe me big time. 1474 01:15:47,614 --> 01:15:48,614 I know. 1475 01:15:59,292 --> 01:16:00,292 Shh. 1476 01:16:00,627 --> 01:16:01,905 Is this, like, a company thing, 1477 01:16:02,005 --> 01:16:03,229 or just like a one-off? 1478 01:16:03,329 --> 01:16:05,198 We should start every day with a hug fest. 1479 01:16:05,298 --> 01:16:06,298 Mm. 1480 01:16:07,400 --> 01:16:08,758 How are we gonna make sure 1481 01:16:08,858 --> 01:16:10,176 everyone has all the right info, 1482 01:16:10,276 --> 01:16:12,238 all the right access to all the right software? 1483 01:16:12,338 --> 01:16:14,274 What if everybody wore earpieces 1484 01:16:14,374 --> 01:16:15,975 and I just fed them the answers? 1485 01:16:16,075 --> 01:16:17,952 No, that would definitely fall under cheating, 1486 01:16:18,052 --> 01:16:20,980 and the contract is very explicit about that. 1487 01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:23,816 Maybe we should get some naked girls to watch us think. 1488 01:16:23,916 --> 01:16:25,919 No touching, just watch us think. 1489 01:16:26,019 --> 01:16:28,821 Get the creative juices flowing. 1490 01:16:28,921 --> 01:16:31,224 Sorry, guys. That was a high school fantasy. 1491 01:16:31,324 --> 01:16:32,792 We've already done it. 1492 01:16:32,892 --> 01:16:34,627 Time for new dreams, new fantasies. 1493 01:16:36,262 --> 01:16:39,014 Maybe your new phone prototype can come up with some ideas. 1494 01:16:42,620 --> 01:16:43,620 No. 1495 01:16:44,370 --> 01:16:46,105 That's it. 1496 01:16:46,205 --> 01:16:48,007 You'll lose millions. Hundreds of millions. 1497 01:16:48,107 --> 01:16:49,291 It's perfect. 1498 01:16:59,203 --> 01:17:02,221 This came for you! Is it drugs? 1499 01:17:02,321 --> 01:17:03,639 Drugs don't even come like that. 1500 01:17:03,739 --> 01:17:04,897 - Do you-- - How do you know 1501 01:17:04,997 --> 01:17:06,292 how drugs come? 1502 01:17:06,392 --> 01:17:08,061 Breaking Bad! 1503 01:17:08,161 --> 01:17:10,330 Fuck you! Fuck you! 1504 01:17:11,764 --> 01:17:13,066 You're gonna fuckin' die. 1505 01:17:13,166 --> 01:17:14,867 I can't wait. I can't wait. 1506 01:17:14,967 --> 01:17:17,003 Bring it on. Try your fuckin' best! 1507 01:17:17,103 --> 01:17:19,903 How dare you?! 1508 01:17:32,269 --> 01:17:34,669 Aw, fuck it. 1509 01:17:37,274 --> 01:17:40,326 I thought the biggest mistakes I made were in high school. 1510 01:17:40,426 --> 01:17:41,824 I won't try to undo the mistakes 1511 01:17:41,924 --> 01:17:43,002 I've made in recent weeks, 1512 01:17:43,102 --> 01:17:44,864 as we all know how that turns out. 1513 01:17:44,964 --> 01:17:47,166 Instead, I will offer you no more than a promise 1514 01:17:47,266 --> 01:17:49,636 to learn from my mistakes. 1515 01:17:49,736 --> 01:17:51,386 That and this fully pimped out phone. 1516 01:17:53,323 --> 01:17:55,074 Whoa, what? 1517 01:17:55,174 --> 01:17:57,777 It won't be officially released until Christmas, 1518 01:17:57,877 --> 01:18:00,113 but I wanted to give it to you as a special thank you 1519 01:18:00,213 --> 01:18:02,782 for trying to help me fulfill a stupid fantasy. 1520 01:18:02,882 --> 01:18:04,720 It's been loaded with the entire curriculum 1521 01:18:04,820 --> 01:18:05,898 of our 12th grade program, 1522 01:18:05,998 --> 01:18:07,820 and is permissible to use in this test. 1523 01:18:07,920 --> 01:18:09,797 I know that many of you don't want to see me 1524 01:18:09,897 --> 01:18:12,091 or your old school ever again, 1525 01:18:12,191 --> 01:18:13,748 but if you want to keep your grades, 1526 01:18:13,848 --> 01:18:15,728 or more importantly, your diplomas, 1527 01:18:15,828 --> 01:18:18,197 this phone should help. 1528 01:18:18,297 --> 01:18:20,333 May this phone be with you. 1529 01:18:20,433 --> 01:18:22,301 Fuck! What the fuck? 1530 01:18:22,401 --> 01:18:23,485 Mom! Dad! 1531 01:18:30,027 --> 01:18:32,679 Only three people have logged into their phones so far. 1532 01:18:32,779 --> 01:18:34,213 Final exams are tomorrow. 1533 01:18:34,313 --> 01:18:35,753 Doesn't anybody want their diploma? 1534 01:18:37,968 --> 01:18:39,366 I thought with all this groveling, 1535 01:18:39,466 --> 01:18:40,887 we'd get everybody back. 1536 01:18:40,987 --> 01:18:43,356 Turns out, all I've done is probably release the software 1537 01:18:43,456 --> 01:18:45,224 to the competition a month early. 1538 01:18:45,324 --> 01:18:46,459 Yeah, well, don't blame me. 1539 01:18:46,559 --> 01:18:48,194 That's on you, and you know it. 1540 01:18:48,294 --> 01:18:50,763 You're right. You're right. 1541 01:18:50,863 --> 01:18:52,580 I've gone against everything we stand for, 1542 01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:54,038 everything we've worked hard for. 1543 01:18:54,138 --> 01:18:56,202 Our company philosophy, everything. 1544 01:18:56,302 --> 01:18:57,804 I turned my back on everyone, 1545 01:18:57,904 --> 01:18:59,262 just to impress a bunch of people 1546 01:18:59,362 --> 01:19:02,175 we haven't seen in 20 years. 1547 01:19:02,275 --> 01:19:04,159 I'm totally pathetic. 1548 01:19:05,929 --> 01:19:08,481 What should I do? 1549 01:19:08,581 --> 01:19:10,966 Come on, Greg, what should I do? 1550 01:19:12,202 --> 01:19:14,987 Oh, you-- you want my advice? 1551 01:19:15,087 --> 01:19:17,090 Yeah, Greg, what should I do? 1552 01:19:17,190 --> 01:19:18,224 Well, you need my advice? 1553 01:19:18,324 --> 01:19:19,522 Greg, don't make me beg, okay? 1554 01:19:19,622 --> 01:19:21,060 Why not? 1555 01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:23,262 Okay, I'm begging, okay? 1556 01:19:23,362 --> 01:19:25,002 Can you just tell me what to do, please? 1557 01:19:26,150 --> 01:19:27,150 Okay. 1558 01:19:29,787 --> 01:19:32,071 Maybe they just need someone popular 1559 01:19:32,171 --> 01:19:36,442 to help nudge them in the right direction. 1560 01:19:36,542 --> 01:19:38,511 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 1561 01:19:38,611 --> 01:19:40,480 Depends what you think I'm saying. 1562 01:19:40,580 --> 01:19:43,983 I love it when he gets like this. 1563 01:19:45,418 --> 01:19:46,953 As discussed, we lured him to the bar 1564 01:19:47,053 --> 01:19:49,155 with a fake booty call text from Darcie. 1565 01:19:49,255 --> 01:19:51,611 - Then we roofied his beer. - How long is this gonna take? 1566 01:19:51,711 --> 01:19:53,908 We gotta get him out of here before my mom comes home. 1567 01:19:54,008 --> 01:19:55,166 Not a problem. 1568 01:19:55,266 --> 01:19:56,996 Guys, maybe we shouldn't do this. 1569 01:19:57,096 --> 01:19:59,412 Yeah, you're probably right. 1570 01:19:59,512 --> 01:20:00,533 - Greg! - Fuck it! 1571 01:20:00,633 --> 01:20:02,301 After a lifetime of terrorizing us, 1572 01:20:02,401 --> 01:20:06,239 he deserves this, and a lot more. 1573 01:20:06,339 --> 01:20:09,175 Hey, I gave him a triple dose of an extra strength laxative. 1574 01:20:09,275 --> 01:20:11,471 You'll want to be quick, 'cause he should shit himself 1575 01:20:11,571 --> 01:20:13,528 any moment now. 1576 01:20:18,168 --> 01:20:19,168 Done! 1577 01:20:19,552 --> 01:20:21,320 Just in time. 1578 01:20:23,155 --> 01:20:25,311 I'll message him copies of every one of these photos. 1579 01:20:25,411 --> 01:20:27,209 Tell him you'll send one to the entire class 1580 01:20:27,309 --> 01:20:29,506 if even one person doesn't show to that exam tomorrow. 1581 01:20:29,606 --> 01:20:31,297 Guys, shouldn't we be better than this? 1582 01:20:31,397 --> 01:20:33,166 Absolutely. 1583 01:20:33,266 --> 01:20:36,035 We're going to hell. 1584 01:20:50,100 --> 01:20:51,100 Fuck! 1585 01:20:53,386 --> 01:20:54,386 Pi! 1586 01:20:58,958 --> 01:21:01,394 The test will likely take you the full four hours, 1587 01:21:01,494 --> 01:21:03,596 but if you finish early, please put your hand up 1588 01:21:03,696 --> 01:21:05,164 and I will collect your papers. 1589 01:22:25,395 --> 01:22:28,995 And, pencils down. 1590 01:22:30,683 --> 01:22:33,452 Sarah, it's time. 1591 01:22:33,552 --> 01:22:34,752 Sarah. 1592 01:22:36,322 --> 01:22:37,439 It's time. 1593 01:22:45,349 --> 01:22:47,166 Hey, where's Greg? 1594 01:22:47,266 --> 01:22:49,582 He says he's got something to do and he'll be right back. 1595 01:22:49,682 --> 01:22:50,682 I guess that's that, huh? 1596 01:22:50,781 --> 01:22:52,019 So, everyone's gonna graduate? 1597 01:22:52,119 --> 01:22:53,119 With better grades? 1598 01:22:53,218 --> 01:22:54,218 Adam! 1599 01:22:55,107 --> 01:22:56,709 Well, almost everyone. 1600 01:22:56,809 --> 01:22:58,611 Are you sure about these phones? 1601 01:22:58,711 --> 01:23:01,013 I swear, every second answer was wrong. 1602 01:23:01,113 --> 01:23:02,830 Oh, God, this better not affect my finals. 1603 01:23:02,930 --> 01:23:04,807 Okay, calm down, Sarah. It's just high school. 1604 01:23:06,103 --> 01:23:07,720 "Just high school"? 1605 01:23:07,820 --> 01:23:10,256 That's funny coming from you. 1606 01:23:10,356 --> 01:23:12,358 If this thing doesn't work, then I get a do-over. 1607 01:23:12,458 --> 01:23:14,409 Trust me, do-overs do not work. 1608 01:23:20,083 --> 01:23:22,568 Get out of my way! 1609 01:23:22,668 --> 01:23:23,668 Pi! 1610 01:23:28,258 --> 01:23:30,454 You know how to trace a number on one of these things? 1611 01:23:30,554 --> 01:23:32,244 Somebody hacked my phone. 1612 01:23:32,344 --> 01:23:34,544 The phone's unlisted. It's not even on the market yet. 1613 01:23:36,366 --> 01:23:37,766 Thanks. 1614 01:23:38,250 --> 01:23:40,453 You really saved our asses in there today. 1615 01:23:40,553 --> 01:23:42,989 - Don't thank me, thank Greg. - Shipansky? 1616 01:23:43,089 --> 01:23:44,590 Don't you mean Shits-his-pantsky? 1617 01:23:44,690 --> 01:23:46,425 No, zip it. 1618 01:23:46,525 --> 01:23:48,327 Shipansky. 1619 01:23:48,427 --> 01:23:50,496 Not funny when you shit your pants. 1620 01:23:50,596 --> 01:23:52,113 Sorry, guys. 1621 01:23:55,801 --> 01:23:57,370 This sucks! 1622 01:23:57,470 --> 01:23:59,205 It's just like 20 years ago. 1623 01:23:59,305 --> 01:24:00,488 What a waste of time. 1624 01:24:02,559 --> 01:24:05,311 Look, you're our best friend, 1625 01:24:05,411 --> 01:24:07,213 so don't take this the wrong way. 1626 01:24:07,313 --> 01:24:09,682 If, in 20 years, you're still here, 1627 01:24:09,782 --> 01:24:13,219 coming over to my house, watching Patriots games, 1628 01:24:13,319 --> 01:24:15,087 doing construction work, 1629 01:24:15,187 --> 01:24:16,225 I'm gonna fuckin' kill ya. 1630 01:24:16,325 --> 01:24:17,803 What the fuck are you talking about? 1631 01:24:17,903 --> 01:24:20,326 He's right. Fuck you. 1632 01:24:20,426 --> 01:24:23,029 You don't owe it to yourself, man. You owe it to me. 1633 01:24:23,129 --> 01:24:25,131 'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up, I'll be 50 1634 01:24:25,231 --> 01:24:26,699 and still be doing this shit. 1635 01:24:26,799 --> 01:24:28,556 You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket, 1636 01:24:28,656 --> 01:24:29,894 and you're too much of a pussy 1637 01:24:29,994 --> 01:24:31,432 to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 1638 01:24:31,532 --> 01:24:33,729 'Cause I'd give fuckin' anything to have what you got. 1639 01:24:33,829 --> 01:24:36,242 Any of these guys would. 1640 01:24:36,342 --> 01:24:37,810 It'd be an insult to us 1641 01:24:37,910 --> 01:24:40,046 if you're still here in 20 years. 1642 01:24:40,146 --> 01:24:42,148 Hanging' around here, 1643 01:24:42,248 --> 01:24:43,648 it's a fuckin' waste of your time. 1644 01:24:46,837 --> 01:24:48,554 It's not your fault. 1645 01:24:48,654 --> 01:24:51,090 Yeah, I know. 1646 01:24:51,190 --> 01:24:52,792 - It's not your fault. - I know. 1647 01:24:52,892 --> 01:24:55,394 Listen to me, son. 1648 01:24:55,494 --> 01:24:57,163 It's not your fault. 1649 01:24:57,263 --> 01:24:59,131 Yeah, I know. 1650 01:24:59,231 --> 01:25:02,201 It's not your fault. 1651 01:25:02,301 --> 01:25:04,804 I-- don't fuck with me, Shawn, not you. 1652 01:25:06,739 --> 01:25:10,142 It's not your fault. It's not your fault. 1653 01:25:10,242 --> 01:25:12,242 I'm sorry! 1654 01:25:12,811 --> 01:25:14,411 Oh, God. 1655 01:25:16,333 --> 01:25:17,333 Oh. 1656 01:25:21,638 --> 01:25:24,838 See, I am smart! 1657 01:25:25,758 --> 01:25:28,558 Valedictorian. 1658 01:25:28,694 --> 01:25:32,731 You like apples? You like apples? 1659 01:25:32,831 --> 01:25:35,450 How do you like them apples? 1660 01:25:40,824 --> 01:25:41,824 Whoo! 1661 01:25:43,709 --> 01:25:45,727 What a piece of shit. 1662 01:25:48,598 --> 01:25:51,383 Jessica? Jessica! 1663 01:25:51,483 --> 01:25:52,921 - What is wrong? - Why do you care? 1664 01:25:53,021 --> 01:25:55,588 Why do I care? Because I'm your mother. 1665 01:25:55,688 --> 01:25:58,190 I will always care. 1666 01:25:58,290 --> 01:25:59,658 It's stupid. 1667 01:25:59,758 --> 01:26:01,355 What-- well, you wouldn't be this upset 1668 01:26:01,455 --> 01:26:02,455 if it was that stupid. 1669 01:26:02,554 --> 01:26:04,263 Are you seriously crying to your mommy? 1670 01:26:04,363 --> 01:26:05,631 Just leave me alone. 1671 01:26:05,731 --> 01:26:07,500 And why would she need to do that? 1672 01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:09,800 Look, we just want different things in life right now. 1673 01:26:11,922 --> 01:26:13,472 Is this a sex thing? 1674 01:26:13,572 --> 01:26:15,908 Are you kidding me? I can't even get a hand job. 1675 01:26:16,008 --> 01:26:18,744 Oh, yeah, well... 1676 01:26:18,844 --> 01:26:22,448 Mom, that was awesome. 1677 01:26:22,548 --> 01:26:24,283 I was always good at giving hand jobs. 1678 01:26:24,383 --> 01:26:26,218 Yeah, you probably shouldn't hit children. 1679 01:26:26,318 --> 01:26:27,969 Let's get out of here. 1680 01:26:33,926 --> 01:26:36,529 - What's up, ladies? - Hey. 1681 01:26:36,629 --> 01:26:38,866 Are you coming to this grad dinner prom thing? 1682 01:26:38,966 --> 01:26:41,233 Pi's buying. Food and drinks. 1683 01:26:41,333 --> 01:26:42,701 No, I'm gonna go home 1684 01:26:42,801 --> 01:26:44,370 and spend some time with my daughter. 1685 01:26:44,470 --> 01:26:46,772 Come on, it's our last day of freedom 1686 01:26:46,872 --> 01:26:49,208 to be who we truly are. 1687 01:26:49,308 --> 01:26:50,786 You know, I figured out 1688 01:26:50,886 --> 01:26:53,245 who I truly am, and I am a mom. 1689 01:26:53,345 --> 01:26:54,580 And I'm okay with that. 1690 01:26:54,680 --> 01:26:58,399 - Ciao. Ladies. - Wish I had a cool mom. 1691 01:27:00,937 --> 01:27:02,337 Thanks. 1692 01:27:08,311 --> 01:27:10,529 Oh, uh, hey, Amy. 1693 01:27:10,629 --> 01:27:12,631 Um, this is for you. 1694 01:27:12,731 --> 01:27:16,268 - What's this? - I called my ex-husband, 1695 01:27:16,368 --> 01:27:18,337 and his aunt is an agent in L. A. 1696 01:27:18,437 --> 01:27:21,740 And she said she could help you out. 1697 01:27:21,840 --> 01:27:23,676 - Are you serious? - Mm-hmm. 1698 01:27:23,776 --> 01:27:25,811 Thank you. Are you sure you don't wanna come? 1699 01:27:25,911 --> 01:27:28,380 Yeah. Yeah, positive. 1700 01:27:28,480 --> 01:27:29,480 Bye. 1701 01:27:33,970 --> 01:27:35,570 Have fun! 1702 01:27:39,743 --> 01:27:42,100 For all the shitty stuff that happened, you have to admit, 1703 01:27:42,200 --> 01:27:44,317 everybody kind of got what they wanted, didn't they? 1704 01:27:44,417 --> 01:27:45,815 Aw, come on. Are you trying to say 1705 01:27:45,915 --> 01:27:47,512 that this was your plan the whole time? 1706 01:27:47,612 --> 01:27:48,801 Pfft, you got lucky. 1707 01:27:48,901 --> 01:27:51,470 Except, of course, you didn't get to sleep with Darcie. 1708 01:27:51,570 --> 01:27:53,567 I mean, that was your plan the whole time, right? 1709 01:27:53,667 --> 01:27:55,344 You wanted to hook up with Trevor's girl. 1710 01:27:55,444 --> 01:27:56,842 I don't know, I kind of like Erin. 1711 01:27:56,942 --> 01:27:58,711 The teacher? You're in love with teacher? 1712 01:27:58,811 --> 01:28:00,312 What, are you five? 1713 01:28:00,412 --> 01:28:03,716 I don't know, I just think she's kinda cool. 1714 01:28:03,816 --> 01:28:06,552 So, you don't want to sleep with Darcie? 1715 01:28:06,652 --> 01:28:07,820 Like, not at all? 1716 01:28:07,920 --> 01:28:09,722 Darcie and I are better just as friends. 1717 01:28:09,822 --> 01:28:12,558 She's actually really cool. 1718 01:28:12,658 --> 01:28:15,995 Well, it-- it's not Darcie, but if you want to cross 1719 01:28:16,095 --> 01:28:17,997 the "Screw Trevor's Girl" off your list, 1720 01:28:18,097 --> 01:28:20,266 I'll give you this. 1721 01:28:20,366 --> 01:28:24,403 I'm having sex with someone who satisfies me. 1722 01:28:24,503 --> 01:28:27,339 Oh, no, that is-- that is awful. 1723 01:28:27,439 --> 01:28:30,609 Hi, Trevor. It's Greg from school. 1724 01:28:30,709 --> 01:28:32,645 Okay, that's not right. 1725 01:28:32,745 --> 01:28:34,023 No, come on, nah, that's a move 1726 01:28:34,123 --> 01:28:35,361 right out of the "Kama Sutra." 1727 01:28:35,461 --> 01:28:36,779 I'm having a lot of fun, Trevor. 1728 01:28:36,879 --> 01:28:38,584 This is so good, Trevor. 1729 01:28:38,684 --> 01:28:40,753 - Oh, the size... - Okay, that's not-- 1730 01:28:40,853 --> 01:28:42,421 What are you doing? 1731 01:28:42,521 --> 01:28:44,638 I can't believe I ever put up with your small penis. 1732 01:28:44,738 --> 01:28:46,325 I'm just slightly above average. 1733 01:28:46,425 --> 01:28:48,360 It's so big, 1734 01:28:48,460 --> 01:28:50,617 - even on his worst day... - I'm just glad this whole 1735 01:28:50,717 --> 01:28:53,114 - ...he's 100 times better. - ...high school thing is over. 1736 01:28:53,214 --> 01:28:54,492 Look, you were right all along. 1737 01:28:54,592 --> 01:28:56,030 This was a bad idea from the start. 1738 01:28:56,130 --> 01:28:57,808 What? No, no, what are you talking about? 1739 01:28:57,908 --> 01:28:59,346 No, no, no, no. Don't listen to me. 1740 01:28:59,446 --> 01:29:00,446 I'm an idiot. 1741 01:29:00,545 --> 01:29:01,743 Look, did you see this video? 1742 01:29:01,843 --> 01:29:03,001 - Yeah, okay. - No, come on, 1743 01:29:03,101 --> 01:29:04,459 we gotta do this again next year. 1744 01:29:04,559 --> 01:29:06,077 And you know what? I'm thinking maybe 1745 01:29:06,177 --> 01:29:07,694 we redo seventh grade. You know what? 1746 01:29:07,794 --> 01:29:09,351 And, in ten years, when we're 47-teen, 1747 01:29:09,451 --> 01:29:10,451 we do it again! 1748 01:29:10,550 --> 01:29:11,817 High school is awesome. 1749 01:29:11,917 --> 01:29:15,487 Happy graduation, nerds. 1750 01:29:18,090 --> 01:29:19,625 Oh, look at the nerds. 1751 01:29:19,725 --> 01:29:20,908 Nerds! 1752 01:29:23,546 --> 01:29:25,097 High school sucks. 1753 01:30:28,044 --> 01:30:30,462 So, you two dated 1754 01:30:30,562 --> 01:30:33,532 before Mom and Dad even knew each other. 1755 01:30:33,632 --> 01:30:35,401 - Way before. - Yes. And, in the end, 1756 01:30:35,501 --> 01:30:36,869 we were together for way longer 1757 01:30:36,969 --> 01:30:38,470 - than they ever were. - Way longer. 1758 01:30:38,570 --> 01:30:40,168 You know, this doesn't change anything. 1759 01:30:40,268 --> 01:30:41,586 I'm still the guy in high school 1760 01:30:41,686 --> 01:30:42,964 whose brother fucks his sister. 1761 01:30:43,064 --> 01:30:44,941 Yeah, but nobody cares about what people think 1762 01:30:45,041 --> 01:30:47,238 about in high school except the people in high school. 1763 01:30:47,338 --> 01:30:49,648 This is gonna make for some weird family dinners. 1764 01:30:49,748 --> 01:30:51,717 Do any of the grandparents know? 1765 01:30:51,817 --> 01:30:54,820 Yes, but only because all four of them 1766 01:30:54,920 --> 01:30:56,054 are biological siblings. 1767 01:30:57,253 --> 01:30:58,924 Not even close to funny. 1768 01:30:59,024 --> 01:31:00,859 Yeah, that was pretty funny 1769 01:31:00,959 --> 01:31:03,095 No, not funny. Seriously, not funny. 1770 01:31:03,195 --> 01:31:04,792 Oh, it was pretty funny. Actually, also 1771 01:31:04,892 --> 01:31:06,609 for a while there, I dated the family dog. 1772 01:31:06,709 --> 01:31:08,626 But that was more sexual than anything else is. 1773 01:31:08,726 --> 01:31:10,004 Yeah, but you guys are in love. 1774 01:31:10,104 --> 01:31:11,104 The sexual was the goat 1775 01:31:11,203 --> 01:31:13,400 'cause you guys were really fucking for a while there. 1776 01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:15,058 And it was fun to watch, a little bit, 1777 01:31:15,158 --> 01:31:18,059 but I got a bit jealous sometimes. 1778 01:31:20,930 --> 01:31:24,817 So, if we don't care what people in high school 1779 01:31:24,917 --> 01:31:26,718 think anymore, 1780 01:31:26,818 --> 01:31:29,788 did you want to give this a shot? 1781 01:31:29,888 --> 01:31:30,905 No more sneaking around? 1782 01:31:31,305 --> 01:32:31,311 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/76at2 Help other users to choose the best subtitles